Bossy Boy

Caleb is my bossy boy. In English it wouldn't be so cute. But in Portuguese, that is another story. I love to hear him speak his Daddy's Language, and I think because we are so proud, it is hard to correct him when he is being demanding.

Which seeps up occasionally during the day. His favorite thing to tell me is, "Mamae nao faz isso" ( mommy, don't do that) To top it off he is furrowing his brow at me and shaking his finger in my direction. And then he smiles. He knows we think he is cute.

My favorite was this morning when he bossed, " Faz um snack mamae...por favor!" ( make a snack mommy...please.) I asked for a kiss and he lowered his head and growled, "FAZ!"

The thing I can't figure out is why he doesn't boss us around in English? Maybe he is mimicking his Daddy who often gives him directions in portuguese? Michael do you growl at Caleb?

I guess I should go. Like Caleb just put it so sweetly, "mamae acabou!" ( all done!)

Part Time Mom

These days I have been relishing in the knowledge that I have it pretty darn good.
My babies Daddy works right on our property- and he comes home for lunch.
Not only does he come home from lunch he comes home at 2pm. Yes my friendly bunch of housewives- 2pm. As in the afternoon. To stay. Right after the kiddos naps. Some days we are lucky to even score a few mins of uninterrupted adult time before they come toddling in sleepy eyed. He often makes us coffee. Or takes us out. And we enjoy the whole stinking afternoon together. Life is lovely.

So technically I owe you other moms an apology. Truly I can not complain as I have. And I am sorry. If my children wake at 7 am ( it is usually 6) I really only have 6 hours of them to myself. You could argue that I am a part time mom. For the rest of the day about 6 hours, I have full time help. Daddy holds the babies, he plays with them, he wipes away tears, changes dirty diapers, makes snack ( he even baked cookies this afternoon!), helps with dinner, cleans, reads stories, plays cars, and has tea parties with Bella. It is not often that I have to do the dinner/bath/bedtime routine alone. Nor is it often that I have to handle the 'witching' hour alone. I get so many breaks, and I am SO SO grateful.

The best part is that I get to spend SO SO much time with my favorite person in the entire world. If you are wondering if I am living in lalala land not knowing how good I really have it. I'm not most of the time. I know I am blessed and I am thankful. But feel free to pinch me if I begin to wander off in that direction...

Oh Pickles!

Pickles- yep! That is a new favorite word for my daughter to say. It is hilarious.

"Mommy - you are a silly pickle!"

And so it begins. I have been demoted to silly pickle. It could have been worse. I mean I could have been called a dirty diaper, or a stinky shoe.

I was also reprimanded for saying "Oh my Gosh" this evening. Gabriella reminded me that I shouldn't say "Oh my gosh." Instead I should say... you guessed it: "Oh my pickles!"

Gabriella has been on a roll for silliness today. I caught her painting her brother's nails a pretty pink this morning. Of course I was on the phone and didn't see what she was doing! Caleb was very pleased however. He will do just about anything to have his sister doting on him. I however was not pleased. This is how our conversation went when I discovered the crime.

Mama : "Bella!
Mama: (okay it was more like this) GABRIELLA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
Bella: I am painting Caleb's nails! ( Duh! State the obvious girly!)
Caleb is smiling happily
Mama: Oh Bella, you can't do that. When Daddy comes home ( I love the fear of DAD), you are going to have to talk to him.
Bella: Oh Mommy, I am so sorry. I am so sorry I did that. Will you please forgive me.
( Hugging my leg and looking up at me sweetly)
Mama: Sighing ( Rather loudly)
Bella: Mama, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Okay what is a Mother suppose to do with sugary sweetness named Gabriella? Maybe I shouldn't have relented and told her that next time she will have to deal with Dad. Because we all know that I was played by a pixie nosed three year old. And of course there will be a next time. Because I am a sucker for cute little Bella's.

Here is proof of that. Before Bella went to bed she and I were chatting it up on the couch. (I love that I have a daughter to converse with!) She unknowingly gave her self up. We were talking about Easter and about why Jesus died on the cross. I explained to her that even Mama's do no no's and that even I need Jesus to forgive me. Batting her eyes, this is what came out of my angel's mouth:

Bella: Well Mama, when I do no no's and cry, I don't get talked to. And that's why that's a problem!

LOL! We sure do have a problem!

I have been on the net for about an hour now. During that hour Michael has put the kids to bed, cleaned up the kitchen from the taco dinner HE made us, fished the poop out of the tub ( Don't ask) AND is now mad cleaning the bathroom. Oh and I spotted a few duckies and froggies boiling away on the stove. Oh Pickles! What a man!

Cabin Fever No More

This past weekend we went to the cabin! Thank you Karen and Nathan for hooking us up! I was a bit apprehensive about going since I had NO idea how three little ones were going to enjoy being cooped up in a small area, with each other. I imagined a lot of crying, and whining!

BUT we all had a blast! The weather was warm all weekend, and we played outside on the frozen lake. I loved watching Caleb slip and slide on it. Then we took our fun to the driveway, sliding down. It was great!

Bella and I did a craft on Saturday during the younger two's naptime. She was so cute. And then later in the afternoon the girls went for a walk down the road.

The rest of the time was spent eating and watching movies! The kids were wonderful and seemed to be enjoying themselves. I love that we were able to take a mini break from the world. Makes me dream of living on a lake. Sigh...

Just Pickin my nose

A really good friend of mine told me yesterday that she was surprised that I am so open on my blog, and that I have guts to wear my heart out on my sleeve so to speak. Well well Sarah bear- if I was really letting it all hang out, I would have to tell you how sometimes I actually pick my nose.

Yep! Disgusting right! F.Y.I. I don't eat it though... that is really disgusting (please take note Caleb) I would also have to tell you that I LOVE hip hop music but refrain from listening if my children are around. Which they ALWAYS are, so I don't get to listen much. I have a tendency to be drawn into Soap Operas, which explains why I am so addicted to Desperate Housewives. I blame that on my mom's influence- Days of Our Lives was really an extension of our family. Oh so much to let hang out- I'm jealous of those artsy crafty women. I wish I could sew. I love KTIS (sorry Michael) I am greedy when it comes to food- I love having the option of taking seconds, I love to sing, I love to dance (which explains the Hip- Hop) and I dread talking on the phone.
Oh and sometimes I even let a bad word slip out of my mouth.

I believe that she is so surprised, because outside of Blog world. I am a pretty quiet gal. Especially in larger groups. (If we are one on one- you may have to fight to talk.) I am not the first to give my opinion. I keep most feelings to myself. And I am anything but direct. And it is pretty easy to walk all over me. Man, did I just admit that? I am actually a little bit of a geek and still get nervous in new situations, and meeting new people.

But if you really really could see into my heart...

Which you can't. And I am so so thankful! There are things in me just reserved for ...um ...nobody! And well there is other info reserved for Michael. You know the juicy- good stuff. There has to be a balance of being open and true, but also protecting yourself.

I am a normal person, who just wants to be real in the day to day life. I have really good days, but I also have hard ones. I love being a wife and a mom, but can it ever do something to your ego. I love God and everything in me desires to follow Him. But the road is narrow, and my flesh is weak. So weak. And I need the body of Christ. If we keep every inadequecy hidden, how will we ever be encouraged or held accountable? How do we take that really difficult step alone?

So maybe that is why I am "picking my nose" more in public. Hope you don't mind.

I am googled

Have you ever googled yourself? I have. In fact just today I googled this blog to see what I would find, I was surprised to find a reader who actually linked me! So I have been googled AND linked! Gee. I feel famous all of a sudden!

I have about 50-100 daily commited readers. I know this because I was curious a few months ago and put a blog tracker at the bottom of my page. So if you think that I don't know that there are closet readers out there, you are wrong. What I want to know is WHY. Why do you come everyday and read? Don't you have enough drama in your life? I sure do. Ugh. Boy do I ever!

Today was just one of those days. One of those days that I drank oh about 20 cups of coffee. Ok it was only three. But I am living in regret right about now. My tummy is bloated and achy, and I feel like I am going to throw up the baked tilapia we ate for dinner. Which surprisingly turned out really well. It took only 25 mins to bake in the oven, and was delicious. I made it with tomatoes, spinach, and lemon. Right before I served dinner I told Caleb we were having fish. He looked at me happily. It only took me a moment to realize that he believed I was serving Goldfish crackers! That kid and his goldfish! Needlesss to say Michael and I ate the fish and he ate the crackers!

Back to the coffee. I was on the phone with my sister -in-law. Having a really good conversation. It is funny to me that we talk so much on the phone, since we only live 5 mins apart, but hey if you need to talk, laugh, cry, or vent she is the one to call. And what goes great with a good heart to heart? Coffee. And since we talked and talked and talked. The coffee continued to flow and flow and flow! oops.

I wanted to post this picture of Gabriella. Isn't she beautiful. So grown up. The other morning, as I was on my way to sneak downstairs to do some laundry she informed me, "Don't worry Mama. Caleb will be fine. I will take care of him." Now, I thought she was always engrossed in her cartoons to notice me slip out. Guess again. That girl sees and hears EVERYTHING!

This afternoon we visited a friend who recently had a baby. Now I have been feeling the URGE for a third for awhile now, and when I held that tiny newborn, I melted. It is always precious to watch a mom with her new little baby. The relationship is so sweet, so special.

I discovered something about my son. He Loves to wrestle with his Daddy. They have so much fun rolling around on the ground. Now I know that as a mommy I can't be overly lovey dovey ALL the time because boys especially get shy and embarassed. So I thought I would be silly and wrestle with him instead. Wrong move Mama. Apparently it is not ok to wrestle if you are a mama. Do at your own risk of tears, and sad little boy. Sorry Caleb. Mama's are only for lovin.

Milk

It's not a good idea to pour milk into a sippy cup , in the dark, at 3am.

My spell check isn't working

I'm not sure what is up with my spell check. It's broken. And I feel exposed. I have been told ( by many of you!) that I am a good writer. That is still to be decided. The secret I harbor however is that I am a terrible speller.

Feeling exposed is actually a theme in my life right now. I feel exposed when I have surprise visitors and unannounced neighbours come to visit when I haven't showered in two days and my kids have maple syrup in their hair. And let's not mention the crumbs on the floor, and the clean underwear, and dirty diapers strewn about the hallway. 90% of the time, my house is a disaster. Consider yourself lucky if you come in during the %10 and don't have to compete with toys, books, shoes, dirty glasses, and papers to visit with us.

I feel exposed at Target or Cub Foods when I am desperetly trying to keep my kids under control. And old ladies are shaking their heads at me, tsking under their breath. I think they feel sorry for me, or angry that my kids are being kids. I've actually had long one sided conversations in my head with these women. And I wasn't very nice. Sad huh.

I really feel exposed with Gabriella and Caleb. Especially this past week. Man oh man, everytime I lost my patience it was like I was admitting to them that their Mama really doesn't always have it together. And are you ready for this? " I AM NOT A PERFECT MOM, OR HUMAN. I STRUGGLE WITH SIN. AND I NEED GOD. I DESPERETLY NEED HIM"

Furthermore. I am not a perfect wife either. Don't believe me? Just ask Michael! I don't even try to pretend with him anymore. I have snapped at the poor guy when I am tired. I have been selfish, painfully selfish. My mouth has gone wild at moments, and I have said hurtful things. I have lashed out in anger. Exposed isn't even the right word to use. I can't hide from him. He sees me as I am. At my best, and at my worst. I hate that he sees me at my worst. But I also love it. I love that he loves me. Regardless. Regardless.

As vulnerable as it is to be exposed. I want to ALWAYS be exposed. Sin in darkness festers and grows. Pride masks the truth. Walls of mistrust are built. The body of Christ is shut out. Christ is ignored. Therefore I am less tempted to be hidden.

oh to dream

Tonight Michael and I arrived home to find an email from an individual who wanted to donate 2.5 million american dollars to our mission. Incredible right?Man our hearts, and heads spun faster in those 60 seconds that I ever thought possible. Wow! We could go next month to Brazil, begin our 'unnamed' project, and serve the Lord without any financial hinderances. Fully supported. Forever... Sigh...

It took us the same amount of time to plant our feet back on the ground. Duh... SCAM! The letter screams; I want to take you for all your worth. (Which by the way really isn't anything!)

It took me another 20 seconds to google the senders name and find that this email has made it to other blogs and christian bullitien boards. Sadness. Wouldn't it be AMAZING if this was really a honest to goodness truthful letter?We burn to go serve to Brazil. Brazil is on our mind day and night. In truthfullness 2.5 million dollars wouldn't be our ticket to the field because finances isn't the only thing standing in our way. ( more on that later)

But we are continuing to run in the direction we are being called. Slowly. It's kinda like those dreams where you are trying to run really fast but in essence you are moving very very slowly!I did reply to the email. Fear not, I did not give any personal information at ALL! And have no plans to either. Why did I reply? I'm not sure. Maybe because for moment it was great to dream about what if. God does do incredible, jaw dropping things. Perhaps one day we will get a valid email. Oh and if it is a honest to goodness truthful letter, it is okay that we passed up 2.5 million dollars because eventually it will be used by someone else to benefit God's kingdom. And that is all that matters.

Notes

• If Caleb could crawl inside my skin, he would. I wonder if there is a medical procedure that could attach us together permently?
• I love daisy's. I love daisy's on my kitchen table. Thank you Michael.
• Is 8pm too early to go to bed for the night?
• I am thankful for good friends. I love you guys!
• Can Bella be any sweeter? I love you snuggle monkey!
• Winter is over rated.
• Weekends are cozy. I love movie nights, pancake breakfasts, and lazy afternoons.
• Water should taste like coffee, then I could drink as much as I wanted to guilt free
• I have been coke free for almost ONE month!
• I love the airport.
• Would I survive without my laptop?
• I love my kids friends. I love that they have good friends.
• I love the way Penelope calls me Tia and reaches for me.
• I wonder if I am going to get to take a nap this weekend?
• I am so happy that Caleb is finally adjusting to the church's nursery
• Red tape and any kind of process annoys me
• Michael is my best friend. He told me this week that he loves me more than always. Cute!

Happy Valentines Day

When Michael comes home from work we are going to take the kids out on their own individual dates. Bella is very excited to date her Daddy today. So much so that when she woke up this morning she stated, " Oh my goodness, I better go get dressed. And do my hair...Daddy is going to be home soon!" 5 hours later she is still in her p.j's, as am I, and we are no where near ready to go anywhere! Poor Baby Balec has a fever and is miserable. Even so I still am going to take him on a dinosaur hunt at the mall. Maybe that will make him feel better?

This morning we were LAZY! We lounged and watched Cinderella. I drank an entire pot of coffee, and we made a huge mess in our house. I went down memory lane and read a few entries of Bella's baby journal and sobbed. How did that girl grow up so stinkin fast?

I tried to make heart shaped pancakes. Only a few resembled a heart, and the rest looked like blobs of food. Yuck. Oh well. Maybe next year. I really am not Betty homemaker!

Michael and I are going to rent a movie tonight and order take out at Big Bowl. I have been looking forward to this treat for weeks now. I am not into the whole Valentines event, but it sure has it's perks.

Bella made me laugh and laugh today. We have been working on her outward attitudes. She likes to point when she is being bossy, cross her arms when she is being sassy and rebellious, among other things. So when today she was crossing her arms in defiance, and tapping her feet with impatience, I asked her to 'check her attitude'. She looked at me sweetly and said, "But Mama, I am just being you."
WHAT?????
Sure enough, when I checked MY attitude, my arms were crossed and I was tapping my feet impatiently! Sigh...

I know that it has been a few days since I have actually posted anything. I have written some unfinished entries, but most likely they will remain unposted. They lack what I am truly feeling. And I have been having difficulty expressing the emotions swirling in me, and around me.


My children lately have had the inate ability to bring me to tears. Not because they are being crazy or naughty, but because they are so beautiful and precious. I have been so overwhelmed with love for them that I just can't contain it. I want to wrap their purity, innocence, and joy in my arms, and never ever let them go. I love my children. Simply put, but not simply felt.


Our life is rapidly changing before our eyes. Yet I can't stop it. Nor do I really want to. I can't see far ahead into the future and I am feeling unsettled. God has given us new visions, and dreams that we are pursuing with determined, and excited hearts. ( more on that soon) I can't help but see the obstactles standing in our way, and feel intimidated. I have been reaching out for Michael's hand more often these days. He brings me comfort, stability, and encouragement. I am so thankful to have a husband who loves the Lord, and follows Him above all other things.


Cancer is taunting me to say goodbye to my mom. I refuse. I am bombarded with statistical information and I cry. I plead with God to heal her, and I am left in the silence. Uncertainty plauges me. Can God heal? Yes. Will He? I don't know.


The cross. Look to the cross. Over and over I hear that thought go through my mind like a piercing sword. I am not sure why. The cross represents true love. I do not doubt God's love for me. But honestly I don't understand it either. I find it difficult to accept something I can't grasp in logical terms. Regardless my arms are lifted high. I need God. Without Him I will crumble. Without Jesus, I would have crumbled. Tears well up in my eyes when I even begin to think about God's affection for me.

He has blessed me. Truly.

I will never yell at my kids...

My day started out all wrong. It began the night before when I stayed up WAY to late to finish our taxes, and discovered the irony of middle class finances. ( Because of my lack of knowledge, I won't go into that-but lets just say that some things don't seem very fair.) My heart goes out to buisness owners.


Because I stayed up late, the morning came WAY to early. And I just wasn't ready to get out of bed, however my lovebugs wanted cartoons, breakfast, and a mommy to sit on top of. So up and out I went grumbling and cold.



Boy lovebug right away thought it would be neat to see what reaction he would get by flinging keys at Girl lovebugs head. He got a really good ear splitting response. So did I... I yelled. Not my proudest moment of the day. Then I yelled again for Bella to stop screaming. Again not my proudest moment. Only 7 am and I already had two crying kids. Oh Bother.



Crying episode number two began when Bella realized I was serious about no milk until she retrieved the cup from her room, and Caleb started in on the tears when Daddy left after coming home for a moment to bring me a coffee from Caribou. Only 8am. Some days seem to drag on and on...

Thankfully we hung out for awhile in the playroom with Jessica, Mari, and Micah. (Our fantastic neighbours!) Bella was definetly the morning Drama Queen but she was distracted enough not to go into a full screen saga. And Caleb did well to almost not beat up his little friends. Again I state : Almost.

When I was preparing lunch I let the kids have play dough at the table. Some time between the hour, Caleb managed to dump a whole bag of fishes on the floor, I managed to make a huge mess in the kitchen, and Caleb decided he wanted to attach himself to my leg. Again Crying. Again I yelled. Again not my proudest mommy moment of the day. ( I vaugely remember a time when I vowed I would never yell at my kids...humph!) Oh yeah, somehow the green playdough dissapeared! What is with my kids and green playdough?

At lunch it was my turn to cry. I burned my fingers on a hot cookie sheet and cried in my love's arms. He has so much patience for me! Afterwards when the kids were down for their naps, I was wise enough to go to bed too.

It took a few hours to clean the messes my little hurricanes created. But now our home is peaceful, and quiet. And I am about to eat dinner alone with Michael. Some how the stress of the day has evaporated, and I am left wondering just why I was so crazed in the first place?

Perhaps tomorro I won't yell at my kids.... or Michael.

Oh Brazil...

I am dying to give you a Brazil update, but am waiting till next week to see where we are at with things. Dreams, Visions, and Plans are circling our hearts and minds. Please be patient with us while we await to unfold the next step!

Health

Today I made spegghetti with whole wheat pasta. It tasted different, and it may take awhile to get used to, but I am happy knowing that this tiny change in my family's diet will make a difference in the long run.

For the past month I have been attempting to find small changes to make for my family. I don't want to get on this diet kick that I eventually quit because it is too hard. But I do want to live a healthy lifestyle, and I do want to pass good eating, and excerise habits on to my kids.

I am finding this new endeavor both easy and hard. It is difficult to pass up on french fries, coke, chips, and anything greasy and buttery. On the other hand it is easy to say no to chocolate and sweets. It is easy to eat lots of fruits and vegetables. It is easy to take vitamins, and drink lots of water. And it is easy to eat smaller portions.

It is HARD to excercise daily. It's not that I don't like the idea of excercise. I do like the thought. In fact I think about it ALL the time... when I am watching tv, when I am on the computer, when I am laying on the floor playing with the kids! I just don't have the stamina to work out. You probrobly would die from laughing if you ever got the chance to see me try to do a sit up! I long for spring so I can walk more outside, and run around with the kids at the park. That sounds more like fun and less like hard work!

Michael had the idea this week to go to our gym on campus a few times a week to play with the kids. I like that idea, and it is a small change that I think our family can handle. Maybe we will begin that next week...?

Things Daddy's Teach their boys...

• Jumping off furniture is cool


• Eating ice cream for breakfast is much better than yogurt


• Shouting is a great form of communication


• The way to relax is to snuggle with Mommy


• Going down steep stairs in a laundry basket is cool


• Baths are the best


• Mmm... Food...Mmm...Food


• Daddy's are cool


• Picking on girls is fun

Potty Progress

I am happy to say that Caleb's booty and the potty chair have been introduced to each other! Chocolate is helping the friendship along! ( please ignore my very obnoxious Mama voice!- really do I always sound like that with my kids? oh no!)

Family

Bella: Mommy you are my best friend

Mommy: Aww.. you are sweet, you are my best friend too

Bella: And I love you SO much

Mommy: I love you SO SO much too

Bella: I love you because you are my family, and I am your family

Good- byes

This morning we dropped our friend Rafa off at the airport. Rafa is a good friend of Michael's from Brazil. He was here for a month doing an internship at BPI.

We LOVED having him around. He is a great guy, who is funny, and caring. Caleb and Rafa became good buddies. Caleb is usually wary around new people, especially men, but with his new Tio, he wasn't shy at all. They had alot of fun together.

Bella took a different interest in Rafa. We discovered that she had somewhat of a crush on him. She was either very shy when he was around , or a big goofball trying to win his heart. It was cute - but man! What are we in for in the future?

Poor Girl was a little confused at the airport. She assumed that we all were going to Brazil too, since we have been talking about it for months now. It broke my heart when she realized the truth. She was so sad and quiet on the way home. I tried to explain that when the snow is all gone and then after my birthday we will go. I hope she understands now. It is so hard to explain time to a hopeful and excited child.

It was nice for a change to say good bye to someone that we know we will see again soon. We have alot of goodbye's ahead of us, at least this one wasn't heartbreaking. But Rafa, you will be missed by all of us!