Dugans InCahoots

We have moved.

2008-06-15T18:40:00.001-07:00

No we haven't moved to Brazil quite yet. Although these days all we want to do is pack our bags and catch a plane.

However we did move this blog

We are a .com.

Please visit us at www.dugansincahoots.com

We are busy working on the construction and decor of our new place.

So for the next few weeks please ignore the mess.

And don't forget to change our address on your bookmark or blog list so you don't get lost next time!

Night at the Park

2008-06-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

It seems like most of our family fun these days includes some kind of water. On Friday night we had a nice bbq at the park beside a stream with the deMellos. And of course the kids ended up going home happy and very WET!

Sibling Love

2008-06-15T06:40:00.000-07:00

A Haircut

2008-06-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

We thought that Caleb needed a new haircut. It was getting a little too long- and even though it was adorable we figured he needed a bit of an edge to his Big Boy personality. What do you think of our boy's stylin do? Looks like Caleb is quite please with Master Cuts job- no this mama didn't do it! I just got the courage to finally cut my kids fingernails. There is NO way I am taking sizzors to my babies hair. "What?!" says Caleb. "You don't like it? I am a MAN!" ( his new favorite phrase in the bathroom)
What about this look? Now do you approve?
I love both cuts.
But wish his new one didn't take away his baby look. Where is my Baby?

The End of A long Two weeks

2008-06-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

We survived the two LONG weeks of Michael being gone. We had good times, bad times, fun times and some sad times. I am very thankful Michael doesn't work long hours all the time ( at least not for now!) and we get to enjoy him being home more often.
These pictures are one of the fun times we had. A "pretend" outdoor picnic. The only thing real was the cookies...another fun activity we enjoyed together.

A Patience Meter

2008-06-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

I am very glad that God didn't make me with a built in patience meter. How horrible it's viewing would have been today. With every huff, puff and loud groan the world would have witnessed my meter dip lower and lower.

Michael's over time hours ended last night. Phew. Except today is youth group which means the kids only saw their Daddy for 30 sweet minutes ALL DAY! Caleb had already been testing the waters with me for a few days. Hitting, throwing fits, and blatantly disobeying the simplest command. I am one strong mama. But without my backbone my resolve was quickly disappearing and monkey boy was moving in on me. I could feel his breath on my back.

Today he took full advantage of my weakness and pushed me full force with all of his will. If you know Caleb, you know that he is STRONG. Much stronger than most boys his age and older. He is also stubborn. Those two qualities have the potential to teach a mama a thing or two.

I would like to say that I won every battle. But the truth is, I lost most of the face downs.
And he knew it. Stinky boy knew his strength. And he showed me my weaknesses.
Don't you hate that kids have the ability to show you all that you are lacking.

Therefore that leaves me at the end of my day at Michelle's house beyond frustrated and feeling pretty defeated in the parenting department. Thank goodness for Michelle. I love her. I love that she had patience for my monkeys, and her borderline crazy sister in law. Michelle is by far the most patient person I know. They were ALL over her house. Jumping on furniture, breaking things, and picking on one little "happy" girl. Crying, shouting, and getting into every thing that was off limits. My kids. They know how to party.

And you know, for a brief second I actually fantasied leaving poor Michelle with the babies and running far away to the nearest Starbucks. I know. I sound horrible.

I didn't . Of course I didn't. I stayed and allowed Michelle to make me dinner. And make me laugh at the true silliness of the situation. And I did have fun.

As I was tucking Bella into bed tonight, her smile quickly turned into the saddest face I have ever seen. She then burst into a waterfall of tears. She sobbed, and wiped her boogers ALL over my neck. Yummy.

Then the most beautiful thing happened. In between sobs she muttered" Mommy, I just miss my Daddy SO much." This one sad sentence upped my patience meter. And I embraced my role.
And my child. That I love more than anything- and is worth everything.

Tip #30093

2008-06-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

What you do you do on a long day with two crabby kids and one crabby mom? Build a fort outside. This method rewards mom with at least 20 mins. of smiles and giggles.

Beach Day

2008-06-09T05:12:00.000-07:00

Graves 601 Hotel

2008-06-08T06:15:00.000-07:00

That is where we were! On the 11th floor- Look at this view! This year was my turn to choose a date location. I think that I did pretty good. Don't you? After dinner we returned to this view! We were right beside the Bellanotte and enjoyed their outdoor fire pit while we talked on our private ledge. Couldn't have been more romantic!
I loved this t.v.! Our original plan was to go out and see a movie in the theatre. But instead we opted staying in and ordering a movie. We had the best seats in the house : King size beds, luxurious bedding, $3.oo bottled coke, $4.00 can of pringles and as much PDA as we desired. Heavenly! In fact the bed was SO nice we ended up sleeping 11 hours in it!
This bathroom was amazing! I loved the sink. Michael's favorite part of this room was the little t.v. set up in it!

Highlights of our getaway:

Jumping and sinking into the cloud like bed.
Watching the video leading up to our wedding ( surprise from Michael)
Having No schedule- and no interruptions
Breakfast at the starbucks next door
Watching t.v. while taking showers
Sleeping in as long as we wanted
Cuddling, kissing, talking, dreaming, eating, laughing, holding hands
Knowing that our kids were well cared for and loved. ( thanks Chris and Michelle!)

We had such a great time. The best part was being together , thanking God for five wonderful years.

Friday is here!

2008-06-06T05:02:00.001-07:00

The day where Michael and I escape reality for about 24 hours! I am not going to tell you where we are going yet... but this is one of the views from our dream world. Wow- I can't believe how excited I am!

Gabriella wasn't too excited for us however. She told me that she wanted to go on Mommy and Daddy's wedding birthday too. She changed her mind about going however when she learned who was staying with her. Tia Michelle, Tio Chris you guy are the best!

Some more sap and cheese.

2008-06-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

This weekend Michael is hoping to steal me away for a night; and I couldn't be more excited about the prospect. I love being with Michael. It really doesn't matter what we are doing, or where we are- just being with him is enough. Really! Put me in my p.j.s with a good movie, and a bowl of popcorn, sit me beside my love and I am good to go.

That sounds good right now! Michael for the past week has been working long hours. Keep in mind that I am a spoiled wife who's husband usually pops his head in the door around 2 pm- so don't feel too sorry for me- A little bit of pity is welcome however.

He is covering for his boss the next couple of weeks- so he leaves home early and comes home exhausted just in time for the kids night time routine. Which makes for a long day for all of us! I am finding it easy to adjust to the extra work. Cooking, cleaning, and entertaining the kids isn't difficult at all. In fact I would dare to say that it is easier without Michael around, since I find myself doing what I want in my own time, and running a tighter ship with the kids. Not much has gotten past Sgt. Mommy these days. But.

Shoot!

I miss my husband. I miss him chasing the kids when he gets home, creating havoc and tons of baby laughter. I miss our car drives, and conversation. I miss him just being here. I miss the question, "So whats for dinner." And the question, "Want me to take the babies for a while so you can rest?" (even though we both know I would rather hang out with all of them) I miss running errands together. I miss arguing. Yes- arguing. I long to hold his hand, and exchange sighs and exasperated looks when one of the kids do something naughty. I miss the spontaneous hugs, and kisses. Just his presence changes the dynamics of our home. I love what he brings to our day.

I never imagined before I was married, how wonderful marriage is. I mean I thought it would be good- but this life with Michael is fantastic. When Michael and I did our testing with the mission last fall, the counselor commented that my answers revealed that I was a bit over optimistic regarding our marriage.

That makes me laugh. It's not as if I don't think marriage takes work. It does. But the end result is so worth my time. And to be transparent, there are issues that do need our time. But I am just so aware of the fact that what Michael and I have is good. So good. Good enough to protect and fight for.

Everyday I thank God for Michael, I thank Him for our marriage. And I ask that Jesus will always be the most important thing in our lives.

I know that without God our marriage would struggle. He is the beginning of all things good.

Debra Smith says, "Take away love, and our marriages are a battleground."

God is love. To take him out of the equation would leave me fearing for our marriage.

Thankfully I am married to a man who fears the Lord. And I am experiencing so much joy in our union. I don't fear for our marriage. And I never have had to.

Michael - I know that you read this! I love you SO much. Thank you for working so hard. And for striving to put God above everything in your life. You are such an example to me. I miss you!

To all the other readers. Sorry for all the sap and cheese. What can I say? I am in love!

5 years

2008-06-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

June 7th will mark FIVE years of marriage with this gorgeous man! My heart still skips a beat when he walks in the room, and when he puts his hand on the small of my back, the world literally spins out of control...but nothing compares to the deep growing passion I now have for this man. I don't just love him a little. I love him more than words can describe. I am so thankful to be sharing my life with this passionate, loving, solid, committed, loyal, intellegent, hard working man. I am so proud that he is my husband. My lover. My best friend. Everyday with him is a gift that I don't take for granted. I love you Michael!

Her New $2 Room

2008-05-31T17:49:00.000-07:00

Look who did it ALL by Himself!

2008-05-31T17:47:00.001-07:00

Sorry Caleb - I had to post this. You are WAY to cute!

Why summer is Fun...

2008-05-31T17:33:00.000-07:00

Baby Steps

2008-05-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post a quick note saying thank you to all of you who left encouraging comments and emails regarding my previous post Directions Please?. I love that you are supporting us, comforting us, and praying with us. We just can not express how grateful we are to the body of Christ. To you, who love the Lord, and have the same ending goal. We are thankful, and we are blessed. And today I feel uplifted, refreshed and encouraged. Ready to take another step. Because we are not alone.

God is telling us to follow him. But he never promised it would ever be an easy road. In fact he said it would be quite the opposite. I think that it is easy to assume that everything is going to fall into place the way we want it to based on our "obedience". That isn't who God is. That is not the God I love. And I really don't want to live my life under that assumption.

I long desperately to obey God. I desire in everything I do to be pleasing to Him. I want to give Him everything. Everything. I want my life to glorify Him. These are just words. But they are being tested. I pray that we will be found truthful and trustworthy.

And if that means waiting. And waiting. And more waiting. I will wait. As a family we will wait. We will fight for God's calling in our life. And we will lay down everything to obey Him.

Obedience is not based on circumstance. Faithfulness is not based on circumstance. Love is not based on circumstance. During this process I have often felt like a little child who is learning how to obey. I hear my daughter's voice in my head as I talk to God. " We will obey BUT such and such is not working out." or "I will obey, just let me do this first." or "But God it is just too difficult- you are asking too much."

To obey means to obey. It's not easy. It will never be easy.

And so we continue to walk.

This weekend I will mail my application to become an American citizen that will grant me the freedom to leave the country whenever I want to, for as long as we need to.

And hopefully soon we will have formed the dynamics of our support team state side. Please pray with us that the right people will be placed on this team.

And we are shooting to do a survey trip in the end of August to Brazil. Making our take off goal January 2009 more of a reality. 7 months.

Crazy.

But totally possible.

In a weird way it feels good to be crazy. To be trusting when all things tell us it isn't possible. Or that we are dreaming too big. And that we aren't following the norm.

Because instead we are following Him who is telling us to keep walking.

I didn't anticipate so many others walking with us. But God knew we needed you to complete His vision for our lives. And so there you are. Thank you. We pray and hope that we are as big of a blessing on your journey as you are on ours.

25 and a whole lotta drama

2008-05-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

I am now 25.
25 - responsible, sophisticated and looking like a mom.
Or so I thought.
I still got a dirty look at the grocery store today from an older lady.
Maybe because Caleb's face was dirty and he was shoeless...
And Gabriella was wearing shoes but she was talking louder than necessary...

Maybe being 25 doesn't mean that I look like an adult quite yet...

Regardless I had a wonderful birthday.

Michael and the kids woke me up late ( 8:30 a.m.) with cards and my favorite flowers. Daises. We ate a huge breakfast of bacon, eggs, and hash browns. It was delicious. I wish I could eat like that every morning. But Michael works early mornings and there is no way I am cooking all that in the a.m. !

About 20 mins later I was back in bed. In intense pain. My stomach felt like someone was gutting it with a knife. Seriously. I thought I was dying.
Like my description? Gabriella did. This is what she told her auntie:
"Tia, somebody put a knife in my mommy's tummy"
Ooops. I really need to start censoring my mouth!

The most touching part about this pain, was Gabriella and Caleb ministering to me. They took turns praying , and blessing me. Caleb climbed into the bed and snuggled. Afterwards he found a brush to comb my hair. Bella ran to find me blankets, and water, and coffee creamer. She even read me her own version of Cinderella. Cute. I did eventually feel better. And didn't have to call 911 like I was thinking. I am known to be somewhat of a hypochondriac. You would think that I would recognize monthly cramps after all these years!

For lunch we went to Big Bowl. One of my favorite places to eat. We have never taken the kids before, but I heard that it was rated very kid friendly so we decided to bring them. It was fun.
That was until Caleb tried some of Michael's curry , before we realized that there was PEANUTS in it. Thankfully he ended up spitting out the tiny bite of rice and sauce. But even that caused a hive reaction around his face, and his belly. We rushed home and gave him Benedryl that calmed down the rash . This is only his second exposure to peanuts and each time he has reacted like this. I feel bad for the little guy. We are taking him to an allergist soon.

That afternoon Gabriella had her turn for tears and prayer. Waking up from her nap she vomited all over the place. ( I think it had something to do with the 5 pieces of bacon she consumed for breakfast) Poor thing- she was miserable.

Sarah and Rubens came over later bearing lots of food and flowers. They made us cookies, and set up a feast of cheese, fruit, and chex mix. I am very thankful to have friends like them. I was trying to avoid a celebration but they didn't want to miss out being with me. They are great! THANK YOU- you make me feel so loved!

For dinner ( as if I could eat MORE!) we went to Michelle and Chris's house for homemade french fries, rice, and salad. Weird combo. But it was what I requested. Chris called me the side dish girl. :) And Michael said it was a girly meal.

As if my day wasn't full enough ( of food) we had cheese cake for dessert! Yum. I have left overs in my fridge. Come and eat it!

Along with the drama this year, I got some wonderful gifts: A pretty red rice maker from C&M. A pretty green and purple dress from Mom2 and Dad2. Pretty purple flowers from S&R. A Starbucks coffee mug and guilt free $20 to spend from my love. So fun.

I love my birthday and this one was no exception. thanks to all of you who made the day so special!

Lydia Bug

2008-05-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

Lydia had way too much fun at Tia's house and needed a time out! Love you girly!

Directions Please?

2008-05-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish our lives came with a road map. Our destination: Brazil. Our goal: Open up a Coffee house. Our Vision: To see lives completely change by the love of God.

So we know that.

Can someone please tell us how we get there? And how long it is going to take? I want to scream. Really scream.

I am trying to patient. Believe me, we ALL are trying to be patient.

BUT.

I am frustrated. With Red Tape. With money. With Rules. With waiting. With decisions. With questions. With the world. With politics. With goverment.

Seriously.

For the past few weeks we have been hearing God telling us to :

Walk.

Trust.

and Obey.

Ok. We will. But to where?

Do we go left?
Or right?
Backwards?
Frontwards?

Is our walking going to lead us to some road that is going to eventually sink us into the mud. Or worse are we going to drop down some big black hole?

Probrobly not. But still.

God is telling us to Walk. To trust. To obey.

But I have no idea what the means right now. I do want to obey, and to trust. But it is easier to do that when the circumstances allow it! When the ball is in my court. And when I am calling the shots.

I'm not calling the shots.
Michael isn't either.

It is somewhat scary not knowing the road ahead of us. Can anyone relate?

Caleb's New Room

2008-05-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we decided to change up Caleb's room. Our motivation was partially out of desperation for little boy to sleep. And thinking that a cooler, higher bed would do the trick we grabbed a hammer, a $5 can of paint and went to work. I am always impressed with Michael's ability to create almost anything out of virtually nothing. Caleb loves his new room...almost enough to sleep the night through even. The night before last he didn't get out of bed once, but last night he was up twice! I wonder what is going on with our little night critter?

I wanted to remind myself what it is like to see my sweet little boy actually sleeping! He was so worn out from NOT sleeping last week that he actually fell asleep mid morning. Isn't he just SO adorable!

Playing Catch up

2008-05-23T05:14:00.000-07:00

Sleep isn't the only thing we need to catch up on lately. We have been outside so much these days that little time has been left for blogging, emailing, cleaning and laundry. But like we all need clean underwear- I am sure that you stalkers are lurking for new information. So here you go:
Bella has discovered how easy it is to have curly hair. She loves it and asks for curly Q's ALL the time now. On a walk we had a conversation that went something like this: "Mama God gave me straight hair. But YOU mama gave me curly hair!" So true baby girl!
The battle continues with this one sleeping. My theory and plan was working until two things got in the way. The first was the boy's Daddy who disagrees with the method ( he is a softy- and I love him for it), and the second was a combination of a runny nose and cough. Despite these two things, he was actually sleeping a little bit better and I was planning on writing about how firmness, ( and compromise with spouse) pays off in the long run- however last night he was up for 3 hours and ended up in our bed again. Oh well... back to the drawing board!
Most of our mornings are spent at the park. I love the selection of parks we have around us. This summer both of the kids are big enough to conquer them on their own. And instead of making sure no one falls I am able to play chase and climb along with them. Who ever said staying at home was difficult? We play hard all morning, make it home for lunch and then ALL of us take a nice long nap. ( thus the lack of posts!)
I've been enjoying watching little Caleb transition from a baby to a boy. He is talking much more now, and spends his time doing boy things, "playing in the mud, playing cars, finding rocks and sticks, and hitting things. " He is fun to be around, and I am finding doing "boy" things to be much more exciting than I imagined.
Bella and Caleb are in a weird phase with each other. One moment they are best little buddies playing nicely and co operating with each other. The next moment they are screaming at each other and calling in the forces. A.K.A ME! I was thinking that it would end soon, until a mom with three kids told me that it really doesn't. At least anytime soon! But it is nice to see them love each other... even if a little bit of bickering is included.

Caleb with his new wheels. Thank you Mr. Stimulus. We wanted to do one fun thing with the money we recieved. And couldn't think of anything better than bikes for the kids. They are learning how to ride. But don't worry we also bought a big box of bandaids to go with us!
Speaking of bikes, I probrobly should wrap this up so we can get back outside. I'll catch up more this weekend I promise. There is one more thing I have to share...

MY BABY IS NOW TWO! Sniff sniff... I am so proud of my Caleb... and he is getting so BIG! We had a fun day and a really fun party. I'll post more pictures soon.

Hope you all have a good long weekend!

The Switcheroo

2008-05-16T17:12:00.000-07:00

Gabriella is officially sleeping in her own bed. ALL night. It is wonderful...

kind of...

I am still tired...

REALLY TIRED...

Why? you ask...

Because Monkey Boy is now taking up her old place on our floor.

WHY? you ask...

I have no idea ...

It started at the begining of the week. And it hasn't ended. At about 11pm he awakes in fits of crying. He can't be stopped. We have tried everything short of ripping out our hair and screaming along side of him to get him back to sleep for the night. Some things seem to work in the moment: an extra cuddle, a milk refill, a special blanket or "moose the lion".

Once we finally get him settled- we stumble back into our room , lay down in our bed, and close our eyes- seconds later we hear this slow moan from monkey boy's room that quickly turns into a very high pitched cry. That frequency is impossible to ignore. And contrary to popular belief - my boy does not have an "off button"- nor does he have volume control.

Before we go to his rescue Michael and I fight about who's turn it is to get up. For those of you who have the impression that we never get mad at each other... come on over at 3am. There is a ton of huffing and puffing, blaming, and whining. I promise that it is very entertaining.

After a few hours of this process. One of us eventually gives in- assembles a bed on the floor, plops booger face on it-and calls it a night. Our solution isn't ideal. But hey it bought us a little bit of sleep. And to be honest if Caleb told me he wanted a million dollars to stay in his bed for the night- and i was able to provide. I would have. I am an easy sell.

Aren't you?

Or are you one of those hard knocker parents that don't budge when it comes to night time wakings?

If you are, I envy you. Because you are probrobly sleeping ALL night.

I am going to try my best to be you tonight. Because last night I only got one hour of sleep.

Why? you ask...

Because Booger Boy upped the anti. And moved his little- big butt into our bed. On my side. And the nerve of him took BOTH of my pillows.

I can't have that. That is where I draw the line. I need my bed. I don't share. Especially my pillows.

So here is my new plan...

If Monkey Boy wakes. I am going to put him straight back to bed. Without a word or offer of milk, extra loveys, blankets, or balls ( don't ask) - walk back out of the room- close the door- and plant my feet firmly on the ground. If he gets up again... and he will... I can promise you he will... I will repeat the process. Like a robot... all night long...

Do you think it will work?

Sweet Baby Julia Joy

2008-05-13T19:14:00.000-07:00

Oh How we wish we were there with you! Love you Pati and Neval. She is beautiful.

My Mother's Day...

2008-05-12T16:50:00.000-07:00

was wonderful...lots of hugs and kisses, cards, yummy food, prayer for me from the mouths of babes, and declarations of love and adoration. It was perfect. And if I already didn't feel blessed to be the mommy of a charming little boy and a beautiful little girl...I feel blessed now.

One of my many gifts. Flowers all summer long.
I had this little man's help
and this little girl's sweet company

mmm...baby love....nothing compares.

Thanks for stopping by!

Bad Influence

2008-05-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

I forgot to tell you about the bad news that is moving to our neighbourhood!

It is going to be great! And I can't wait to have two of our best friends and their daughters within walking distance! But seriously Rubens... you are going to have to watch your rap around my very impressionable , music lovin, hip hop girl!

She can READ!

2008-05-08T06:28:00.000-07:00

I have reason to believe that our little nightly visitor has been reading this blog and your helpful comments. I didn't know she could read. But it is true! For the past two nights she has been sleeping in her own room ALL night! Either she feels sorry for her poor tired hosts or our complaints have evoked prayers of rest on our behalf. Regardless it is wonderful.
And Bella is 2 nights closer to getting herself a shiny new bike!

Not above Bribing my kids

2008-05-06T10:54:00.000-07:00

For the past few months we have had a little nightly visitor in our room. At about 11:30 she will come quietly in, position herself "comfortably" on our floor with the ready blankets and pillows and fall fast asleep. For the most part she isn't a bother and is very welcome. Except... as of late our visitor has begun talking and crying in her sleep. I think all of the sun and excersise she is getting is having an effect on her mind and body settling down. She mostly talks about not wanting to share, about going to her friends houses, and watching t.v. Cute right?

Maybe. But not really at 3 am when all you want to do is SLEEP. And you are counting down the hours until boy alarm clock demands milk, cuddles, breakfast and his Super Why at an unhealthy hour. Those last hours of slumber are beautiful and sacred. They need to be taken seriously.

So we devised a plan. First we promised a bike. If little visitor would stay asleep in her bed for 7 nights we would buy her a bike. Yes that is a big bribe. But like I said, this mamas sleep is important. And sadly I am not above bribing my kids. I thought for sure that this would win her over...

The first night she comes to me crying. "Mama. I don't want a bike. I want to sleep with you. "

So back on the floor she went.

The next morning I asked her why she liked to sleep in our room. She said she was scared and that she liked being with us. This is no surprise to me since she had shared a room with us for part of the first and second year of her life when we lived in Paraguay. We kinda set the girl up. She also stated that she didn't want a bike anymore. And so my bribe goes out the window.

At a loss for what to do I asked her what she needed in order for her to sleep in her own bed.

And she had the perfect plan...

"You can move my bed into your room!"

I was thinking more along the lines of a special lovey, a flashlight or some comforting music. But that girl is smart isn' t she!

Elbow in My Back

2008-05-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

I was just going to write a post about the need for Michael to either A: get a King Size Bed for us- so I am not smooshed on the edge of the bed. Or B: for him to just learn to sleep on his side of our mattress so that I am smooshed on the edge of the bed...

But before I had a chance to rant and rave I visited Matt Logelin newest post. Funny how perspective kicks in- and how it can feel like a knife going through your heart, leaving it aching.

Michael can have all the bed he wants. I am just so thankful that at 2am he was there beside me. So close. He really can't get close enough. In fact maybe we need to toss the Queen and buy a double.

Miley knows Best?

2008-05-01T17:37:00.000-07:00

During our ride to the grocery store- Bella picked up on the newscaster talking about Miley and her recent photo shoot with Vanity Fair. Curious to see what the scandal was really all about, I googled the gossip to find a sweet 15 year old girl posing in a somewhat questioning manner. In one photo she is covering herself up with a blanket- leaving her back bear.

Do I think it was the best thing Miley has ever done?

Um probably Not. She probably should have kept her shirt on. But that is not what I want to talk about.

A few weeks back. Bella and I shared a quite shocking exchange that went something like this.

"Bella come here please. I don't want you wandering too far away." says me, deeming myself as an overprotective Mom forever.

Bella ignoring me to the best of her three year old ability continues to saunter slowly in the opposite direction.

"GABRIELLA. come here please!" I repeat in my loudest, quiet voice I can muster.

"Why mom?" she says acknowledging that I was indeed talking to her and not a fictitious character also named Bella.

"Because I said so." giving the best answer I could.

AND TO THAT HER REPLY WAS:

"Mama. Talk to my Butt!"

Excuse me. Did my little sweet child just tell me to talk to her butt?

Of course I asked her where in the world she had gotten that sassy remark from.
Without skipping a beat she blames it all on Hannah Montana.
Is that so... Hannah Montana.

Now Gabriella had never actually watched that show without me sitting right beside her. And i can't recall ever hearing anything about Butt's conversing in rude conversation. BUT.

It still made our decision to pull Hannah Montana off of Drama girl's viewing choices pretty easy. And boy did it ever come off fast.

But not without questions from Bella. That she asked for the 110th time today during our car ride.Why? Why can't I watch her? Is she bad?

No.

She isn't Bad.

But she isn't good for you right now. She isn't a good influence.

"Cause she talks to butts? "

Um No. Because she makes you want to be a little bit sassy.

"And you want me to be like Jesus."

Bingo girly.

*Inwardly my heart is soaring because my daughter is beginning to understand what I have been telling her for the past 3 1/2 years.*

And then the Truth Hits. And the Hallelujah music stops.

"Jesus wants me to have blond hair. Just like him!" she exclaims excitedly!

Sigh- ok maybe she doesn't get it.

"But I DO have blond hair mama. I DO!"

Sigh again...yes you do.

"Mama ...Hannah Montana has blond hair too!"

Uh huh. She does. She really does.

I could tell where her very smart mind was heading and I was so very thankful that before she could go further we had reached the parking lot.

Delicious

2008-04-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

Last night Michael and I went to Brazil....

Almost...

We went to a little Brazilian restaurant called Delicious in good ole minnetonka. And it was AMAZING! For $20 we got to experience a little bit of Brazilian heaven. Authentic steak, rice and beans, and french fries. So delicious.

It smelled like Brazil, tasted like Brazil, looked like Brazil and even sounded like our Brazil. For one whole hour we pretended we were in the world that our hearts long to be. It was wonderful.

And then we stepped out into the cold, cool night. And felt a bit sad. It was over. And here we are. Waiting. Hoping. Longing once again to be where we are suppose to be.

Um Why does this look Delicious?

2008-04-28T11:49:00.000-07:00

Is it the yummy, cold, bottled coke? Or the greasy, crispy fries? Or is it the warm cheeses covered in homestyle gravy?

oops...

2008-04-25T17:09:00.000-07:00

Clearly there are reasons why I shouldn't be on the computer while my kids are awake.

Look at that mournful face. Isn't she sweet. Her brother got his haircut yesterday ( although you can barely tell) and I think she was feeling left out. My baby girl decided to take matters in her own hands! Thankfully she didn't do much damage! Her Tia ( Michael's sister) was telling me today that Michael as a little boy had cut his bangs more than once. He wanted to have curly looking hair like all his friends. Apparently he has passed the hair cutting trade down to his daughter! Bella asked me if she was going to be disciplined for her crime. I told her not this time. As long as I could take a picture. She quickly agreed- and promised not to play with scissors again!

Dugans Updated

2008-04-24T11:01:00.000-07:00

Ah yes- another update! It seems as if I can hardly let you know one step of our journey to Brazil before our direction changes, we get stuck in the mud (in this case american soil), or we travel in circles. For those of you following our story for the past year you can confirm the fact that this venture has been long, rocky, and somewhat a blind road. Thank you for walking with us!

On Monday afternoon we withdrew from the mission.

( let me pause while you all gasp in shock...)

Catch your breath yet? This decision was not easy to make. It took a couple of months of praying, and consulting with others before we knew it was the right thing to do. With our plan to open up a coffee house ministry, it simply did not make sense to stay joined with an organization that holds a different vision. Michael and I aspire to be as effective in ministry as possible- we know now that working under Betaina (the mission in Brazil) just is not the right fit for our family. It would be like smooshing a peice into a puzzle that was simply made for a different picture.

I do know what you may be thinking. "Those Dugans- going alone- rebels- walking away from the mission- head in the clouds- what are they thinking?"

Let me assure you that going "Independent" does NOT mean going solo. More than ever before we recognize the need for the church. We can not- and will not go - without a strong group of believers supporting us in prayer and accountablity. Currently we are looking for specific peoples - who's purpose is just that. If any of you are interested - please let us know!

Our meeting to withdraw went well- and we are happy to report that the doors will remain open to us if we desire to return one day. This is especially good news, because one day we would like to partner with Bethany ministries. Only time will tell. I am sorry that I don't have any juicy details of a break-up for you to pass on to others. We love Bethany and Betania! There is no drama.

So that being said, right now we are working towards going on a survey trip to Brazil. We are waiting to hear back on the status of our financial funds with the mission. The trip will cost about $2,300 - and that is amazingly what we have raised. Since we have left the mission these funds may not be given to us (instead directed towards another ministry) - but we are hoping and praying that the funds will be designated towards our goal. Please pray with us! If all works out- we could be in Brazil at the end of June.

We are also busy working on updating passports and visas. That is a story of it's own to save for another day! But is a area in need of a miracle. Please pray!

Sometimes I get frustrated with the way things are working out so sllllllllllllllooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwlllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy. But am reminded that we are in God's care and that we live for Him. I've said it before but will say it again. We are SO thankful to have people like you praying for us. Thank you thank you. Keep posted!

2008-04-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

An Angel knocked on our door last night bearing this delicious treat! Thank you !

I love my boys

2008-04-22T18:13:00.000-07:00

Giving Bugs Baths

2008-04-19T17:57:00.000-07:00

This is what we do when Daddy takes Bella on dates!

My Husband- The spoiled food snob

2008-04-18T10:50:00.001-07:00

I made a delicious noon time meal today of Macaroni and Cheese.
The kids loved it. I loved it.
Michael not so much.
In fact he only took two bites.
I am offended.
He is a food snob.

I am planning on making another delicious meal tonight.
Michael will love it.
Or he would have if he actually ate his lunch.
The kids will love it. I will love it too.
We are going to have chicken and rice.
Michael however is going to be served round two of macaroni and cheese.
Poor food snob.
He should have ate his lunch.

Why laundry is fun...

2008-04-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

Missing Filter

2008-04-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

Those who know my girl, know that she is very social and vocal. She loves people, and she loves to talk. For the most part she is well mannered, sweet, and kind. She shows genuine interest in what others are doing, and how they are feeling. It is a great great trait of hers and we love watching it develop as she matures.

However she is three. And a three year old chatterbox like herself is usually missing something.

A filter. And restraint.

In the past few weeks we have encountered some awkward, and potentially embarrassing moments. These are some examples of her free flowing statements.

To Andy during a hug. "Andy- you smell!"

To 93 year old Grandma Dilly." What is wrong with your face? It has lots of lines. yuck."

To mama." Ewww- you have coffee breath" and on another occasion, "You have a BIG Belly."

To Jessica. " Your van is so dirty. Why?"

To Tia Michelle." Your leg stinks."

Please don't take it personally. Like I said before she is three. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names should never hurt me. Right? I am already bracing myself for future comments in public places, perhaps to strangers. And we are actively teaching her what is nice to say and what is not- so in the meantime, if you happen upon a very truthful and open girl- know that her filter is being sought after!

It takes a villiage to raise a baby

2008-04-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

Just the other day that was spoken to me.

Um okay. But where is MY VILLIAGE?

Ahem... people. I am raising two kids without my villiage.

Mozart in the Making?

2008-04-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

We three were driving to Tia's with the stereo cranked up per usual.
In the rear view mior I see Caleb rocking out playing air guitar.

"Mama Mama, I like the guitar in this song!" he shouts over the music, bobbing his head in sync.

"Caleb- that is NOT a guitar. It is the drums. " Says bigger sister.

Un phased Caleb states once again. " Mama, I like the guitar in this song!"

*He was right- if you listened very carefully you could pick up the guitar playing. Amazing Music boy!*

For Michelle

2008-04-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

Michelle- this is what happens when I actually take a shower and clean up. Looks pretty nice huh! But what you don't realize is the reality before this. Nobody really sees how crazy our house gets. Or what happens when you let things slide. When we have visitors over- they usually see this.

Me- attempting to look nice for Michael. I loved our talk at Mom's group- about putting our husbands first. What I need to work on is letting the p.j.s and sweats go.

Michael thanks you Cate.
Caleb's room- car and dinosaur free. It took about 30 mins to make it look like this.
My girl- sweetly bathed and dressed.
Caleb obviously still unhappy about his bath. What can I say? He is a boy- and I tried!

Who's living room is this? Looks pretty nice. Would love to relax in it! Where are all the Cheerios and Fishes though?
Gabriella- your room is clean! ( I wish I had a before photo) Because you would understand why it took me nearly 2 hours to clean today. We have had a line up of little guest over lately- and it showed.
What! A bed! So nice. But where are all the clothes, books and toys?

( so this is what a clean kitchen looks like!)

Michelle- you never believe that my house is messy. Let this be proof. And for any of other moms that think that I have it all together. This is the truth!

This is only 1/4 of the laundry I did today. Thankfully a Youngdale Angel folded most of it and secretly delivered it to our back door! Yes Michelle I finally agree. I do have a laundry problem!
Bedroom disaster. Looks peaceful and cozy right!
Okay- this bathroom looks clutter free- but it is full of germs and bugs. Yuck!
This is what I look like most of the time! It is fuzzy on purpose- because that is how I feel most of the time. Frazzled and fuzzy. Michael must think I am hot!

Our livingroom is...lived in. I go back and forth with letting the kids eat on the couch. This is what happens when I am inconsistent .
Look at the floor!
Caleb looking nice. This is right before lunch. And yes he is eating candy.
Bella! Still in p.j.'s too. Can you see all the lip gloss all over her face?
This is what entertained them all morning while I cleaned the house. I am a terrible mom I know! Despite rumors of me always doing fun things with the kids- sometimes I resort to this kind of activity instead. Sorry to disapoint- but I thought it was about time for everybody to know!

So there you have it Michelle. My home was a disaster! And it needed me today. It really did. It thanks me for staying home- although the flowing coffee was tempting. And to all you other moms please feel free to stop by anytime. Who knows what you will find!

Goodbye Friend

2008-04-10T05:57:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Makemecoffee is no longer. I officially have had to say my goodbyes - I guess that is what happens with a $7 machine that gets water underneath. Sad. Even sadder- I don't have any coffee this morning.

Please Don't Say That!

2008-04-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

Caleb last summer

Today at my mom's group someone commented in how big Caleb is getting. "He is not a baby anymore- he is a big boy!"

Shh. Please don't say that! Just because he is talking more, wearing size 2T jeans, and keeping up with the big boys does NOT qualify him for big boy status. He is still my baby... right?

It was just this morning that he brought me a big red blanket and asked me to give him loves. I snuggled him tight and held him close. Sometimes I want to just soak him in. So I did.

And then it ended, and he ran in pursuit of balls, cars, and guitars.

Why she did it.

2008-04-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

Mama finding camera in dire straits from the hand of a sweet pixie faced three year old, asks the question why?

"Honey, why did you try to break Mama's camera?"

Pixie Girl: " Because I broke it. I broke it because I don't want you to take my picture anymore."

...hmmm, at least she is honest!

For the camera's future protection, I think the Mama may focus her camera attention on the guitar lovin boy in the family for a while.

Gabriella- My child you are loved

2008-04-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon Gabriella and I went on a date. The number one way she feels loved, is if you spend time talking to her, playing, and mostly listening. Knowing this we really should take her out for one on ones more often. We started our date at Barnes and Noble. We split a Java Chip Frap, and she walked around with her very own cup of coffee. I don't think she could have felt more grown up or proud of herself. We then read about 20 stories Bella style, meaning she plopped on my lap with a book, I would only read three sentences before she was off running to find me another.

After that we went in search for the perfect gift for her friends birthday. I had a few ideas, and attempted to make some suggestions but made up my mind to let her choose ( within reason) the gift she thought her friend would like. It was cute how careful she was shopping. We went to three different stores before she found the one her friend would just love. I loved her passion and zeal describing just how much the gift was going to be loved! I was pleased with her choice but surprised how often I wanted to push my own opinion on her. This was a little reminder for me to back off a little bit and let her make decisions for herself.

On our way to the play park Bella stopped to chat it up a bit with the mall's security guard. She talked forever without letting the poor man get a word in! I love how friendly Bella is. This trait of hers is one I really want to encourage her to grow in.

At the park I spent some time observing my spunky little girl. She was so concentrated on climbing up the same obstacle over and over and over again. I thought about how wonderful she is, and spent some time praying for her. She is so tender, sweet , and innocent. It is my hope that she remains this way forever.

It was during our Happy Meals that I felt such a huge burden for her. I witnessed a stark contrast between her and a few 13 year old girls close by. Sitting with me was this little girl, pure, excited about life. She was talking non stop about Princesses and castles. Joy was on her face and you can tell she felt loved. Deeply loved.

I was saddened with the realization that those teenagers near me, dressed very scandalously, with no smiles on their sweet faces probably weren't loved. And then I felt anger. Where are their parents. WHY are they allowed to dress in mini skirts that masked how beautiful they were? Why weren't they better cared for? Where were their mothers? Why did these young girls feel the need to expose themselves? The answer is obvious.

But it still makes me sad. And angry. Little girls need to be treasured. Cherished. They need to know how special they are. It's our job to show them that they are loved- far beyond what the world can offer them. It is horrifying to see the results of poor and careless parenting. At three my daughter already knows that she is beautiful, and special. As her mother I will defend her, and fight anything that tells her otherwise. God loves her more than I can even fathom, and she will grow knowing that, and hopefully sharing the same truth with her friends.

As we walked back home, I took Gabriella's little hand in mine and told her just how much I love her. She wasn't listening of course, she was too excited to see her Daddy. But I continued to tell her anyways. Today when she woke up I took her in my arms and told her again. And tonight before she falls asleep she will hear how thankful we are to know her, and to love her. And I won't stop. Ever. I won't get too busy to spend time with her. To talk to her. To let her know she is important. Ever. Because this little girl of mine needs that. And I don't take my responsibility over her lightly. I can't. And I won't.

Cafe in Brazil?

2008-04-02T11:05:00.000-07:00

Our latest step. Since our last Brazil update a lot has happened. It began with a question that ignited first in Michael's heart. "Why are we going to work in a church? Is that really what God has for us in Brazil?" As uncertainty grew in him over the next month, he prayed for direction and that I would feel the same, if it was truly a prompting from God.

Sure enough, I came to the same conclusion during a conversation with my sister in law. I remember throwing my hands up in the air and saying, "WHAT ARE WE DOING?"

Later while sharing with Michael, it became clear to us that we needed to do some searching. What are we passionate about? What makes us willing to give up our life here to go? What makes us burn, so to speak? Do we want to work mainly with Christians? What about the unreached in Brazil? What do we have to give or offer? What are our giftings? Do we fit in with our previous plans? What is God telling us?

We had asked some of these same questions before when we first felt led to pursue missions in Brazil. But coming up with no concrete answers we decided to just go. We would work where there was work, trusting that God would reveal the "Grand Plan" over the course of our commitment.

In our place of sudden questioning we felt God telling us to dream. Suddenly the possibilities flowed. And our hearts opened up and poured out; to God , and to each other. We dreamed beyond the boundaries of "normal" missions. And we reached further into the heart of God.

It was amazing that after years of attempting to develop a vision and failing, that within a few short days we had put together the missing pieces of where we fit. Everything suddenly made sense, and we now can see our future more clearly. And to say that we are ecstatic about it doesn't even begin to describe the excitement flowing within us.

SO WHAT IS IT?

We want to open up a coffee shop/ English house. But not just any coffee shop. But a cutting-edge- coffee shop that will be a place where many lives are transformed by the power of Christ. Where we will impact the community, and people will know that we belong to God- without us even having to say a word. A place where truth will be sought and found. Where the message of living a redeemed, Christ filled life is spoken, accepted, and lived.

Our coffee house is strategic in so many different ways. We will teach English as a way to begin friendships.We will have a place where people will feel comfortable visiting and talking on a neutral ground. Our children will have the opportunity to see, take part in ministry, and reach their peers. We will be able to live in the real world, and to be a "window to Christ" to non- believers. In essence we hope that our ministry will help bridge a gap between the lost and the church. Of course an added plus is that within a few years our ministry can be financially supported by the coffee shop. This ministry is what God has been preparing us for. And we can look back at past experiences knowing that now we are better equipped to serve God in this capacity.

So where do we go from there? Slowly. At first I expected the doors to fling wide open, for hallelujah music to be playing in the background, and everything to fall immediately in place. That is the way things are suppose to happen right?

Instead we are facing seemingly endless obstacles, red tape, and so many more questions that lead to other questions. But we are more than ever at peace with this direction. It feels unsafe- and exactly where God wants us. Please pray for us as we plan, prepare, and attempt to turn this dream into reality.

We have moved our take off date to January 2009. So those close to us are going to have to deal with us hanging around for a little while longer! We will be sure to keep you updated and in cahoots with all our plans. Feel free to ask us questions and share your resources! We need all the help we can get! We love you guys, and are so thankful for your support and encouragement.

Hannah Montana

2008-04-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

I was attempting to take a picture of Bella in her new Hannah Montana shirt. A gift from Vicki and Delaney, it is by far her new favorite thing to wear. And she does look pretty cute. However taking a picture of Bella these days isn't as easy as it use to be. Now I have to bribe with chocolate, or sweets to get her to smile.

This Hannah Montana shirt has caused some talk amongst other well intentioned moms. "I mean how COULD you Cari, let your three year old daughter watch a show like that?" Okay so nobody has been that blunt - but I have gotten some funny looks.

I could explain that we carefully screen what she watches, that we are aware of negative influence any type of media has on her, and that we aren't hesitant to take away a show that impacts her in a way we don't like...

But it is much more fun to be seen as a rebel.

Oh Bella Bella

2008-03-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

The other night Gabriella stumbled into the livingroom after a an hour or so of sleep.

Cradling her sleepy limb she cried,"Daddy, my arm died!"

I've been tagged...twice!

2008-03-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

The first time was from the Nysewanders, and the second from auntie Linda. Sorry I am not so good at these things.

Ten things about me ( as if you all don't have enough dirt on me!) Here goes!

1. As a child I was once told that if I ate enough carrots I would be able to see in the dark. I ate alot of carrots in hope for this- but it never came to pass.

2. I love amusement parks. The scarier the ride- the better. I rode my first roller coaster when I was 10 with my Dad. Been hooked ever since.

3. Growing up I never wanted to be married and have children. Somewhere along the line I met Michael and everything changed!

4. My secret dream is to have twins one day. I am not naive to the work involved - but hey two loves for one pregnancy. What can be better than that?

5. I love to read and write.

6. I have been to 9 different countries. ( airports count!)

7. I once had to stay after school for yelling at my fifth grade teacher. I don't remember why I was upset. But I do remember sitting in the chair red faced and humiliated for those 30 mins. It was also the last time I yelled at an adult.

8. I am very competitive at any game or sport.

9. I love receiving snail mail. And sending it.

10. I am very scared of centipedes.

Monkeying Around

2008-03-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

The rumors are true... we couldn't catch those stinky monkeys. They are sly and fast...always one step ahead of us. After a little bit of deliberation we decided that they can stay for awhile. Monkeys are hard to maintain. They are wild and make my house look like the latest interior of a zoo. They have minds of their own and come up with some pretty silly ideas. But when they wrap their chubby arms around us and say, "I love you." Our hearts stop and then reel outta control. It's true our monkeys talk and say very sweet things. Can you blame us for falling madly in love with these two?

This one LOVES to give kisses. His kisses always come with humming... "MMMM" And then "Mais (more )mama?" Uh huh little monkey... can't get enough of those baby boy smackers.
These days he has discovered how to turn on his bedroom light. Somehow he managed to play Lego's until 10 last night without us discovering his fun. The flip side to this new trick is I have been savoring an extra hour of sweet sleep in the morning. This is one new habit I can deal with.

This little monkey is smart. Very witty and on the ball. She literally talks circles around me. Tonight in a desperate attempt at creative discipline, I said something no mom has ever said before. "Okay Gabriella since you choose to disobey, you may not brush your teeth tonight! "

Without skipping a beat, and before a 30 min crying spell, she replied, "What? That's crazy talk." ( I agree wholeheartedly) WHAT WAS I THINKING? I also did something I haven't done in awhile with this little monkey, I laid with her until she fell asleep. She is very sweet. I discovered that she still caresses her eyelashes while drifting off. This habit began when she was about 7 months old. Thankfully somethings stay the same.
This is our snowman. And proof that I did actually take our monkeys outside this winter. The snowman didn't last long though. Boy monkey was sure to take his head off before the day was done. But really that is what I expect from Boy Monkeys.

If it snows tomorrow I am going to have a mini meltdown. I am so tired of this beautiful white stuff. Enough already. It is almost April! I am still a little peeved that we celebrated Easter in the middle of a snow storm. What gives? We kept the monkeys in Easter Day and had a small baked salmon dinner that was either undercooked or overcooked. No one got sick so I suppose it was the later. It was nice. Stressful but nice. Whoever thought of giving kids mounds of chocolate as a Easter tradition was a good idea was crazy. I had envisioned a beautiful meal talking about the glory of Christ resurrection. Instead there was a lot of bouncing and tear filled sugar crashes!
I meant to post these earlier but got distracted with monkey business. I was pleased with the monkeys creativity especially Bella's interest in the activity. We had a fun morning with Michelle and Penelope coloring pretty eggs.

This is my pick a pile. My aunt Linda began this game of picking a pile, taking a before picture, cleaning it up, and then revealing it to the world. Sadly when you live with two monkeys laundry is never done. The above picture taken on Monday has been replaced with four loads of new clothes to fold. All for monkey love I guess.

That's all for now. I have more catching up to do I know.

Monkey Buisness

2008-03-25T06:20:00.000-07:00

We will be back soon. Sorry for the delay. In the meantime we will be chasing wild monkeys, hunting for monkey food, and telling monkeys not to jump on the couch.

Super Mommy

2008-03-19T16:03:00.001-07:00

I never feel more mommyish than when one of my loves are sick. There is something about holding my feverish child close, whispering soft nothings in their ear, their warm cheek pressed up against mine that makes me feel...well I can't even put it into words that describe the full volume of overwhelming love, compassion, empathy, kindness, thankfulness, and contentment, I feel.

Caleb had a big blow out today. It was beyond anything I have ever encountered before. It was disgusting. I will spare you the gruesome details, but lets just say a ton of Lysol, soap, and bleach were involved. I wanted to call in the troops. But that is the thing I have been grappling with as of late. There are no troops. No grandmas to call for help. To run quickly over to put new p.j.s on a sobbing boy while I ... ahem... tackle...ahem...a big brown mess. Or to help with the massive pile of soiled laundry... or to take little girl who feels bored and left out to the park. Sigh. Yes I am feeling sorry for myself. Any one think I shouldn't?

I am hoping to boot this virus out the door by morning. I am after all supermom. And my boy is counting on me. He keeps looking up at me with these big sad blue eyes that seem to be saying, "Mama help me. Fix it. It hurts." I managed to conquer 5 similar but less brilliant episodes these past few hours - my stomach is amazingly strong. Must be a Super Mommy thing.

Or just a whole bunch of grace bestowed upon me I am sure. I know that I am not the only Mama dealing with this stinky bug bothering our children, I am sure we will be swapping laundry tips soon. It sure isn't fun though. Makes me long for spring even more.

Zombiefied

2008-03-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

All night long I had a sweet little visitor bekoning me out of my bed. "Mama, Mama, MAMA." he would hush quietly. "pome (come) " Let me tell you it was a good thing that this little man was cute or he would have been in for it. Eventually I would get out of bed, he would grab my hand and we would walk slowly down the long dark hallway to his room.

After laying the little man down, giving him kisses, his blankie, his baba, his balls, and his moose... mind you these special objects are not easy to find in the pitch black. But apparently they are very important. ...I ventured towards the door. "Mama, Mama...I needs Loves."

SIGH>>>>>>>>>>>> GRUMBLE>>>>>>>>>LOW GROWEL>>>>>>>>>>>>> SIGH

Back to him I would go to give Loves.... and then more loves... and then to give more water....

This repeatedly occurred until 4am. Twice he had drive heaves in the middle of our ritual. I am not sure if he was sick, or just hungry from not eating the day before. Once I asked Michael to put him back to bed. I am not sure if that was a good idea or not since it was officially my turn to be on night duty. Michael wasn't too pleased with the request. I could tell by all the huffing and puffing he did. At least the little man was giving me Loves... After 4 am I only had to get up twice more. Our sunrise sunshine happy day began at 7am.

After my two cups of coffee this morning. I calculated that I got roughly three hours of sleep. Delightful huh. I am convinced that three hours is not enough sleep to function. I NEED MORE THAN THAT. A LOT MORE! I then drank two more cups of coffee figuring I deserved it. Thank you Mrs. Makemecoffee.

I want to sleep right now but child mentioned above is on a nap strike. How he is managing it I don't know. He is oblivious to the fact that his mother is turning into a zombie. His eyes are glassy, and he is sweet little boy all snugly and cute. I bet he will sleep all night through since it is his Daddy's turn to get up. That's how it works right?

My new best friend

2008-03-17T13:01:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Makemecoffee. She is wonderful. Pretty. Is available when I need her. Notice the timer? She is actually awake and brewing before I am! I love her. And she was cheap. $7.00.

Best Friends forever. We are a team. Without her my day would be a little less productive.

Little Bumble Bee Vivian

2008-03-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

Vivian de Mello 7lbs 10 oz 20"

Beautiful and Sweet just like her Mama

Gabriella in Love with her new friend
"Isn't this the cutest thing ever!"

Oh Sunny Day

2008-03-14T05:28:00.000-07:00

For the Love of Chocolate

2008-03-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

Classy? I don't think so!

2008-03-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

Being a mom hasn't exactly been the most classy experience for me. Take Monday morning for example. I spent about an hour at a coffee shop "visiting" a friend and her adorable little boy. The entire time I was getting up and down from my seat, playing referee, stepping on cookies, tripping over toys, chasing little boy, and telling little girl to be nice. My hair was a mess, my jeans officially don't fit, and I think I spilled coffee on my shirt. I was frazzled, and it was evident to everyone around me.

Then yesterday afternoon. I was about to have quiet time with my sweet girl when she turned sour on me. She screamed her protests so loud that I was sure the FBI was going to be called in to investigate. She was, to put it bluntly "pissed". And I was simply tired and stinky. If anybody were to have come over in that exact moment I am sure they would have felt sorry for me. Heck! I felt sorry for myself! I wonder what Bella thinks of me during our face downs. "Mama-you need to get it together and let me do what I want to. Oh and By the way - you need a Bath!"

I went to Target alone this week. What is usually a enjoyable outing suddenly wasn't so fun anymore when I saw a young woman ahead of me. She looked drained from all energy, disheveled, and kinda sad. For a split second I felt sorry for her, until Oh wait, I was actually looking at my reflection in a mirror - that woman was me! No joke! I grabbed my groceries and went home. Oh and on the way out I backed my big mama butt into someone else's cart. Yep - Real Classy.

How is it possible to be classy when you are up in your elbows in poop, boogers, and mud? When your charges are throwing world class fits in public, and you have nothing in your closet that actually fits?

I have friends who are moms and they are super classy. Very calm, collected, and beautifully put together. Their homes look like Pottery Barn catalogues and their kids are proper and well behaved. How do they do it? I mean I'm good to go if I actually get to take a shower and serve my kids something healthy to eat.

I want to forget the heels, the manicured nails, the styled hair- goodness that's not me even if I could actually put that together. However I want to be a little bit more graceful, delicate, and peaceful. I want CALM! I want to feel like I'm not being pulled in a hundred directions! I want to actually sigh contently, and not out of anger or frustration. IS THAT POSSIBLE? If so please mail me a complete set of directions!

How she eats it!

2008-03-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

I love my girl - and she loves her sunbutter!

Saturday Mess

2008-03-09T06:23:00.000-07:00

Evidence of a good weekend. I couldn't help smile at my mess this morning. Our living room tells the tale of four people playing, hanging out, and just having fun. We didn't do much this Saturday but that. We ventured out for a little while to visit our pups. ( they really belong to the Pet Store but shhh don't tell Caleb and Bella- they would be heartbroken.) I was happy to see our bulldog still there. We have named him: Expensive! We had lunch again at Panera. I know: Dejavue.

We took naps in the afternoon. Watched t.v. and hung out on the floor with cars, dinosaurs, and stuffed animals. We drank coffee and milk, ate dinner in the living room, and wrestled on the floor.

My favorite part of the day was when Bella and I watched Hannah Montana in the dark on my bed. She Loves Hannah Montana. It is silly - she is only 3 and doesn't really get the show. But it is harmless and cute. I loved snuggling with her underneath the covers, and listening to her laugh.

When we were done I caught Michael and Caleb lounging in the living room tossing rubber balls back and forth to each other. They were so so relaxed and chill. My boys are so cute.

This is how every Saturday should be. I would take the mess with open arms for the memories.

Good Morning

2008-03-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

No more naps

2008-03-05T11:01:00.000-08:00

It is so ironic that for 3 years I battled my little girl to go to sleep in the afternoons. And now it is 1pm- her brother is sleeping peacefully and she is sitting beside me writing on her doodle pad, watching Mr. Rogers.

We have discovered if she takes a nap she turns into Oscar the Grouch upon awakening and won't go to bed until around nine. Which doesn't work because that is MY current bedtime, and I don't like to share Michael after 7. I will make a few exceptions kids, but for the most part I am selfish when it comes to your Daddy. I like him, ALOT. So Please PLEASE stick to Mama's after bed time rule, and stay in bed!

So we are fighting a new battle these days- NO NAPS BELLA! She must be confused! All this sleep training thrown OUT the WINDOW!

The beauty of this plan is that at exactly 7 she conks out. No repeated trips to fetch water, retrieve special items, or answering 100 different random questions. The trick is keeping her awake during afternoon outings in the car. To her 5 minutes of slumber is like giving her an energy drink. We ( her parents) pay big bucks sometimes for that Starbucks or Target run.
You probably guessed I have been home more often lately.

I think eventually she'll get used to not taking a nap. And I will miss her sleepy eyed and sweet during the evening. All this growing up she is doing lately is wearing my heart out!

My very own Peter Pan

2008-03-03T16:51:00.000-08:00

"I don't want to be a big girl. I don't want to grow up!" Those were the words from my girlie's mouth Saturday. We had just finished telling her that she couldn't possibly sit in Caleb's car seat because his was smaller than hers by barely an inch.

She was so sad. Sobbing. Heart broken from the pressures of being the Big Girl. The Older sister. The one who knows better. She who outgrows clothes and toys, and gives them away. She who is too big for this, and too old for that. Poor thing. I understand her.

And she really was too big for her car seat. Lately when we would go to put her in, she would smack her head on the top of the door way, and tears would follow. She would kick our seats because she had no room to stretch her "long" legs, and she would complain that her back hurt. I am assuming her little body was smooshed in the even smaller car seat. Again, Poor Thing.

So that afternoon Michael and I went to 3 different Targets in search of a booster seat. Michael is Bella's Knight in Shining Armor. He will go to great lengths to rescue her from distress. To my amazement Gabriella fits the height and weight requirements for the booster seat. It is a lap/shoulder belt booster. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she is safe without the baby car seat. She truly is a big girl.

And now she is proud of her big girl status. At least for the moment. I am proud of her too, but have to choke back tears when I see her all grown up in the backseat. Seems like yesterday when we had her in the infant carrier all snuggled in. Where did my baby go?

2008-03-02T06:18:00.000-08:00

This weekend so far has been a mix of fun and relaxation. Friday afternoon we took the kids to Walmart to buy Caleb a new hat. Lately he has been loving Bella's pretty pink Easter hat, and would walk all over the house with it. Needless to say we replaced it with a green army hat that fits our wild boy's style.

Then we went to the Pet Shop next door. We asked to see this sweet little bulldog. She was soft brown and white and very cudddly. Bella was brave and pet her, and even let the puppy lick her fingers. I am excited for the day when we get to actually take a puppy home. Even though this puppy was calm, Caleb did not want to touch it all. He was pretty weirded out by the little critter, but cried when we left for the "wowwow" I was shocked by the price tag of our Bulldog. $4000.00! Who pays that kinda money for a dog? Like Michael put it, a baby would be cheaper and easier! Our second thought was of our dream destination: Sandals Resort which costs about the same.

For a light dinner we went to Panera Bread. We sat by the fire and listened to our children's chatter. Gabriella is a hoot. She talks and talks and talks. It was so calm and warm, and peaceful. Shortly after we returned home, it was the kids bedtime. Michael and I enjoyed the quiet house and watched part of the Postman.

Saturday morning was pancakes, playing ( me and the kids at home, and Daddy in the studio), and lots and lots of laughter. I think Bella should TEACH acting school. She is a little dramatic flair. After naps we went for a drive around the lake, drinking Starbucks.

In the evening Michael made Breadsticks and we kinda played Yahtzee. Bella was having a hard time sleeping so we let her get out of bed to hang out. Again she was hilarious. Talking non-stop. And the memory that girl has! Michael and I are glad that we made a point of doing special things with her when she was even little, because that girl REMEMBERS! She even remembers little details.

So we are on to Sunday, and I am looking forward to an afternoon nap and the promised warm weather! I love weekends!

My mama is...

2008-03-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

I wonder sometimes what my children will say about me when they are older.

When they are five they may say that I am a silly pickle.

When they are 1o they may say that I am unfair.

When they are 13 they may say that I am too strict, or too conservative. ( Can you imagine!)

When they are 16 they will probrobly say the above with a few slammed doors and dirty looks.

(ouch!)

But when they are twenty and on their own. In college, starting a career or a family. How will they describe their dear old mama. ( I'll only be in my 40's ! Isn't that crazy!)

I am a sap and have given it a bit of thought this past week. This is what I hope that they will say:

"My mom is...one big warm hug. "

I would be happy with just that. Because a warm hug says so much. I want to be a warm hug to my children when they scrap their knees, when they are faced with dissapointments, when they are lonely or scared, when they are excited about something, when they are sick, when they experience heartache or joy, and when they just need their mama.

Bossy Boy

2008-02-29T05:36:00.000-08:00

Caleb is my bossy boy. In English it wouldn't be so cute. But in Portuguese, that is another story. I love to hear him speak his Daddy's Language, and I think because we are so proud, it is hard to correct him when he is being demanding.

Which seeps up occasionally during the day. His favorite thing to tell me is, "Mamae nao faz isso" ( mommy, don't do that) To top it off he is furrowing his brow at me and shaking his finger in my direction. And then he smiles. He knows we think he is cute.

My favorite was this morning when he bossed, " Faz um snack mamae...por favor!" ( make a snack mommy...please.) I asked for a kiss and he lowered his head and growled, "FAZ!"

The thing I can't figure out is why he doesn't boss us around in English? Maybe he is mimicking his Daddy who often gives him directions in portuguese? Michael do you growl at Caleb?

I guess I should go. Like Caleb just put it so sweetly, "mamae acabou!" ( all done!)

Part Time Mom

2008-02-27T17:08:00.000-08:00

These days I have been relishing in the knowledge that I have it pretty darn good.
My babies Daddy works right on our property- and he comes home for lunch.
Not only does he come home from lunch he comes home at 2pm. Yes my friendly bunch of housewives- 2pm. As in the afternoon. To stay. Right after the kiddos naps. Some days we are lucky to even score a few mins of uninterrupted adult time before they come toddling in sleepy eyed. He often makes us coffee. Or takes us out. And we enjoy the whole stinking afternoon together. Life is lovely.

So technically I owe you other moms an apology. Truly I can not complain as I have. And I am sorry. If my children wake at 7 am ( it is usually 6) I really only have 6 hours of them to myself. You could argue that I am a part time mom. For the rest of the day about 6 hours, I have full time help. Daddy holds the babies, he plays with them, he wipes away tears, changes dirty diapers, makes snack ( he even baked cookies this afternoon!), helps with dinner, cleans, reads stories, plays cars, and has tea parties with Bella. It is not often that I have to do the dinner/bath/bedtime routine alone. Nor is it often that I have to handle the 'witching' hour alone. I get so many breaks, and I am SO SO grateful.

The best part is that I get to spend SO SO much time with my favorite person in the entire world. If you are wondering if I am living in lalala land not knowing how good I really have it. I'm not most of the time. I know I am blessed and I am thankful. But feel free to pinch me if I begin to wander off in that direction...

Oh Pickles!

2008-02-26T17:24:00.000-08:00

Pickles- yep! That is a new favorite word for my daughter to say. It is hilarious.

"Mommy - you are a silly pickle!"

And so it begins. I have been demoted to silly pickle. It could have been worse. I mean I could have been called a dirty diaper, or a stinky shoe.

I was also reprimanded for saying "Oh my Gosh" this evening. Gabriella reminded me that I shouldn't say "Oh my gosh." Instead I should say... you guessed it: "Oh my pickles!"

Gabriella has been on a roll for silliness today. I caught her painting her brother's nails a pretty pink this morning. Of course I was on the phone and didn't see what she was doing! Caleb was very pleased however. He will do just about anything to have his sister doting on him. I however was not pleased. This is how our conversation went when I discovered the crime.

Mama : "Bella!
Mama: (okay it was more like this) GABRIELLA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
Bella: I am painting Caleb's nails! ( Duh! State the obvious girly!)
Caleb is smiling happily
Mama: Oh Bella, you can't do that. When Daddy comes home ( I love the fear of DAD), you are going to have to talk to him.
Bella: Oh Mommy, I am so sorry. I am so sorry I did that. Will you please forgive me.
( Hugging my leg and looking up at me sweetly)
Mama: Sighing ( Rather loudly)
Bella: Mama, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Okay what is a Mother suppose to do with sugary sweetness named Gabriella? Maybe I shouldn't have relented and told her that next time she will have to deal with Dad. Because we all know that I was played by a pixie nosed three year old. And of course there will be a next time. Because I am a sucker for cute little Bella's.

Here is proof of that. Before Bella went to bed she and I were chatting it up on the couch. (I love that I have a daughter to converse with!) She unknowingly gave her self up. We were talking about Easter and about why Jesus died on the cross. I explained to her that even Mama's do no no's and that even I need Jesus to forgive me. Batting her eyes, this is what came out of my angel's mouth:

Bella: Well Mama, when I do no no's and cry, I don't get talked to. And that's why that's a problem!

LOL! We sure do have a problem!

I have been on the net for about an hour now. During that hour Michael has put the kids to bed, cleaned up the kitchen from the taco dinner HE made us, fished the poop out of the tub ( Don't ask) AND is now mad cleaning the bathroom. Oh and I spotted a few duckies and froggies boiling away on the stove. Oh Pickles! What a man!

Cabin Fever No More

2008-02-25T05:17:00.000-08:00

This past weekend we went to the cabin! Thank you Karen and Nathan for hooking us up! I was a bit apprehensive about going since I had NO idea how three little ones were going to enjoy being cooped up in a small area, with each other. I imagined a lot of crying, and whining!

BUT we all had a blast! The weather was warm all weekend, and we played outside on the frozen lake. I loved watching Caleb slip and slide on it. Then we took our fun to the driveway, sliding down. It was great!

Bella and I did a craft on Saturday during the younger two's naptime. She was so cute. And then later in the afternoon the girls went for a walk down the road.

The rest of the time was spent eating and watching movies! The kids were wonderful and seemed to be enjoying themselves. I love that we were able to take a mini break from the world. Makes me dream of living on a lake. Sigh...

Just Pickin my nose

2008-02-21T14:08:00.000-08:00

A really good friend of mine told me yesterday that she was surprised that I am so open on my blog, and that I have guts to wear my heart out on my sleeve so to speak. Well well Sarah bear- if I was really letting it all hang out, I would have to tell you how sometimes I actually pick my nose.

Yep! Disgusting right! F.Y.I. I don't eat it though... that is really disgusting (please take note Caleb) I would also have to tell you that I LOVE hip hop music but refrain from listening if my children are around. Which they ALWAYS are, so I don't get to listen much. I have a tendency to be drawn into Soap Operas, which explains why I am so addicted to Desperate Housewives. I blame that on my mom's influence- Days of Our Lives was really an extension of our family. Oh so much to let hang out- I'm jealous of those artsy crafty women. I wish I could sew. I love KTIS (sorry Michael) I am greedy when it comes to food- I love having the option of taking seconds, I love to sing, I love to dance (which explains the Hip- Hop) and I dread talking on the phone.
Oh and sometimes I even let a bad word slip out of my mouth.

I believe that she is so surprised, because outside of Blog world. I am a pretty quiet gal. Especially in larger groups. (If we are one on one- you may have to fight to talk.) I am not the first to give my opinion. I keep most feelings to myself. And I am anything but direct. And it is pretty easy to walk all over me. Man, did I just admit that? I am actually a little bit of a geek and still get nervous in new situations, and meeting new people.

But if you really really could see into my heart...

Which you can't. And I am so so thankful! There are things in me just reserved for ...um ...nobody! And well there is other info reserved for Michael. You know the juicy- good stuff. There has to be a balance of being open and true, but also protecting yourself.

I am a normal person, who just wants to be real in the day to day life. I have really good days, but I also have hard ones. I love being a wife and a mom, but can it ever do something to your ego. I love God and everything in me desires to follow Him. But the road is narrow, and my flesh is weak. So weak. And I need the body of Christ. If we keep every inadequecy hidden, how will we ever be encouraged or held accountable? How do we take that really difficult step alone?

So maybe that is why I am "picking my nose" more in public. Hope you don't mind.

I am googled

2008-02-19T16:55:00.000-08:00

Have you ever googled yourself? I have. In fact just today I googled this blog to see what I would find, I was surprised to find a reader who actually linked me! So I have been googled AND linked! Gee. I feel famous all of a sudden!

I have about 50-100 daily commited readers. I know this because I was curious a few months ago and put a blog tracker at the bottom of my page. So if you think that I don't know that there are closet readers out there, you are wrong. What I want to know is WHY. Why do you come everyday and read? Don't you have enough drama in your life? I sure do. Ugh. Boy do I ever!

Today was just one of those days. One of those days that I drank oh about 20 cups of coffee. Ok it was only three. But I am living in regret right about now. My tummy is bloated and achy, and I feel like I am going to throw up the baked tilapia we ate for dinner. Which surprisingly turned out really well. It took only 25 mins to bake in the oven, and was delicious. I made it with tomatoes, spinach, and lemon. Right before I served dinner I told Caleb we were having fish. He looked at me happily. It only took me a moment to realize that he believed I was serving Goldfish crackers! That kid and his goldfish! Needlesss to say Michael and I ate the fish and he ate the crackers!

Back to the coffee. I was on the phone with my sister -in-law. Having a really good conversation. It is funny to me that we talk so much on the phone, since we only live 5 mins apart, but hey if you need to talk, laugh, cry, or vent she is the one to call. And what goes great with a good heart to heart? Coffee. And since we talked and talked and talked. The coffee continued to flow and flow and flow! oops.

I wanted to post this picture of Gabriella. Isn't she beautiful. So grown up. The other morning, as I was on my way to sneak downstairs to do some laundry she informed me, "Don't worry Mama. Caleb will be fine. I will take care of him." Now, I thought she was always engrossed in her cartoons to notice me slip out. Guess again. That girl sees and hears EVERYTHING!

This afternoon we visited a friend who recently had a baby. Now I have been feeling the URGE for a third for awhile now, and when I held that tiny newborn, I melted. It is always precious to watch a mom with her new little baby. The relationship is so sweet, so special.

I discovered something about my son. He Loves to wrestle with his Daddy. They have so much fun rolling around on the ground. Now I know that as a mommy I can't be overly lovey dovey ALL the time because boys especially get shy and embarassed. So I thought I would be silly and wrestle with him instead. Wrong move Mama. Apparently it is not ok to wrestle if you are a mama. Do at your own risk of tears, and sad little boy. Sorry Caleb. Mama's are only for lovin.

Milk

2008-02-19T06:09:00.000-08:00

It's not a good idea to pour milk into a sippy cup , in the dark, at 3am.

My spell check isn't working

2008-02-17T16:55:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what is up with my spell check. It's broken. And I feel exposed. I have been told ( by many of you!) that I am a good writer. That is still to be decided. The secret I harbor however is that I am a terrible speller.

Feeling exposed is actually a theme in my life right now. I feel exposed when I have surprise visitors and unannounced neighbours come to visit when I haven't showered in two days and my kids have maple syrup in their hair. And let's not mention the crumbs on the floor, and the clean underwear, and dirty diapers strewn about the hallway. 90% of the time, my house is a disaster. Consider yourself lucky if you come in during the %10 and don't have to compete with toys, books, shoes, dirty glasses, and papers to visit with us.

I feel exposed at Target or Cub Foods when I am desperetly trying to keep my kids under control. And old ladies are shaking their heads at me, tsking under their breath. I think they feel sorry for me, or angry that my kids are being kids. I've actually had long one sided conversations in my head with these women. And I wasn't very nice. Sad huh.

I really feel exposed with Gabriella and Caleb. Especially this past week. Man oh man, everytime I lost my patience it was like I was admitting to them that their Mama really doesn't always have it together. And are you ready for this? " I AM NOT A PERFECT MOM, OR HUMAN. I STRUGGLE WITH SIN. AND I NEED GOD. I DESPERETLY NEED HIM"

Furthermore. I am not a perfect wife either. Don't believe me? Just ask Michael! I don't even try to pretend with him anymore. I have snapped at the poor guy when I am tired. I have been selfish, painfully selfish. My mouth has gone wild at moments, and I have said hurtful things. I have lashed out in anger. Exposed isn't even the right word to use. I can't hide from him. He sees me as I am. At my best, and at my worst. I hate that he sees me at my worst. But I also love it. I love that he loves me. Regardless. Regardless.

As vulnerable as it is to be exposed. I want to ALWAYS be exposed. Sin in darkness festers and grows. Pride masks the truth. Walls of mistrust are built. The body of Christ is shut out. Christ is ignored. Therefore I am less tempted to be hidden.

oh to dream

2008-02-16T18:39:00.001-08:00

Tonight Michael and I arrived home to find an email from an individual who wanted to donate 2.5 million american dollars to our mission. Incredible right?Man our hearts, and heads spun faster in those 60 seconds that I ever thought possible. Wow! We could go next month to Brazil, begin our 'unnamed' project, and serve the Lord without any financial hinderances. Fully supported. Forever... Sigh...

It took us the same amount of time to plant our feet back on the ground. Duh... SCAM! The letter screams; I want to take you for all your worth. (Which by the way really isn't anything!)

It took me another 20 seconds to google the senders name and find that this email has made it to other blogs and christian bullitien boards. Sadness. Wouldn't it be AMAZING if this was really a honest to goodness truthful letter?We burn to go serve to Brazil. Brazil is on our mind day and night. In truthfullness 2.5 million dollars wouldn't be our ticket to the field because finances isn't the only thing standing in our way. ( more on that later)

But we are continuing to run in the direction we are being called. Slowly. It's kinda like those dreams where you are trying to run really fast but in essence you are moving very very slowly!I did reply to the email. Fear not, I did not give any personal information at ALL! And have no plans to either. Why did I reply? I'm not sure. Maybe because for moment it was great to dream about what if. God does do incredible, jaw dropping things. Perhaps one day we will get a valid email. Oh and if it is a honest to goodness truthful letter, it is okay that we passed up 2.5 million dollars because eventually it will be used by someone else to benefit God's kingdom. And that is all that matters.

Notes

2008-02-15T11:49:00.000-08:00

If Caleb could crawl inside my skin, he would. I wonder if there is a medical procedure that could attach us together permently?
I love daisy's. I love daisy's on my kitchen table. Thank you Michael.
Is 8pm too early to go to bed for the night?
I am thankful for good friends. I love you guys!
Can Bella be any sweeter? I love you snuggle monkey!
Winter is over rated.
Weekends are cozy. I love movie nights, pancake breakfasts, and lazy afternoons.
Water should taste like coffee, then I could drink as much as I wanted to guilt free
I have been coke free for almost ONE month!
I love the airport.
Would I survive without my laptop?
I love my kids friends. I love that they have good friends.
I love the way Penelope calls me Tia and reaches for me.
I wonder if I am going to get to take a nap this weekend?
I am so happy that Caleb is finally adjusting to the church's nursery
Red tape and any kind of process annoys me
Michael is my best friend. He told me this week that he loves me more than always. Cute!

Happy Valentines Day

2008-02-14T11:22:00.000-08:00

When Michael comes home from work we are going to take the kids out on their own individual dates. Bella is very excited to date her Daddy today. So much so that when she woke up this morning she stated, " Oh my goodness, I better go get dressed. And do my hair...Daddy is going to be home soon!" 5 hours later she is still in her p.j's, as am I, and we are no where near ready to go anywhere! Poor Baby Balec has a fever and is miserable. Even so I still am going to take him on a dinosaur hunt at the mall. Maybe that will make him feel better?

This morning we were LAZY! We lounged and watched Cinderella. I drank an entire pot of coffee, and we made a huge mess in our house. I went down memory lane and read a few entries of Bella's baby journal and sobbed. How did that girl grow up so stinkin fast?

I tried to make heart shaped pancakes. Only a few resembled a heart, and the rest looked like blobs of food. Yuck. Oh well. Maybe next year. I really am not Betty homemaker!

Michael and I are going to rent a movie tonight and order take out at Big Bowl. I have been looking forward to this treat for weeks now. I am not into the whole Valentines event, but it sure has it's perks.

Bella made me laugh and laugh today. We have been working on her outward attitudes. She likes to point when she is being bossy, cross her arms when she is being sassy and rebellious, among other things. So when today she was crossing her arms in defiance, and tapping her feet with impatience, I asked her to 'check her attitude'. She looked at me sweetly and said, "But Mama, I am just being you."
WHAT?????
Sure enough, when I checked MY attitude, my arms were crossed and I was tapping my feet impatiently! Sigh...

2008-02-13T11:00:00.000-08:00

I know that it has been a few days since I have actually posted anything. I have written some unfinished entries, but most likely they will remain unposted. They lack what I am truly feeling. And I have been having difficulty expressing the emotions swirling in me, and around me.

My children lately have had the inate ability to bring me to tears. Not because they are being crazy or naughty, but because they are so beautiful and precious. I have been so overwhelmed with love for them that I just can't contain it. I want to wrap their purity, innocence, and joy in my arms, and never ever let them go. I love my children. Simply put, but not simply felt.

Our life is rapidly changing before our eyes. Yet I can't stop it. Nor do I really want to. I can't see far ahead into the future and I am feeling unsettled. God has given us new visions, and dreams that we are pursuing with determined, and excited hearts. ( more on that soon) I can't help but see the obstactles standing in our way, and feel intimidated. I have been reaching out for Michael's hand more often these days. He brings me comfort, stability, and encouragement. I am so thankful to have a husband who loves the Lord, and follows Him above all other things.

Cancer is taunting me to say goodbye to my mom. I refuse. I am bombarded with statistical information and I cry. I plead with God to heal her, and I am left in the silence. Uncertainty plauges me. Can God heal? Yes. Will He? I don't know.

The cross. Look to the cross. Over and over I hear that thought go through my mind like a piercing sword. I am not sure why. The cross represents true love. I do not doubt God's love for me. But honestly I don't understand it either. I find it difficult to accept something I can't grasp in logical terms. Regardless my arms are lifted high. I need God. Without Him I will crumble. Without Jesus, I would have crumbled. Tears well up in my eyes when I even begin to think about God's affection for me.

He has blessed me. Truly.

I will never yell at my kids...

2008-02-08T11:03:00.001-08:00

My day started out all wrong. It began the night before when I stayed up WAY to late to finish our taxes, and discovered the irony of middle class finances. ( Because of my lack of knowledge, I won't go into that-but lets just say that some things don't seem very fair.) My heart goes out to buisness owners.

Because I stayed up late, the morning came WAY to early. And I just wasn't ready to get out of bed, however my lovebugs wanted cartoons, breakfast, and a mommy to sit on top of. So up and out I went grumbling and cold.

Boy lovebug right away thought it would be neat to see what reaction he would get by flinging keys at Girl lovebugs head. He got a really good ear splitting response. So did I... I yelled. Not my proudest moment of the day. Then I yelled again for Bella to stop screaming. Again not my proudest moment. Only 7 am and I already had two crying kids. Oh Bother.

Crying episode number two began when Bella realized I was serious about no milk until she retrieved the cup from her room, and Caleb started in on the tears when Daddy left after coming home for a moment to bring me a coffee from Caribou. Only 8am. Some days seem to drag on and on...

Thankfully we hung out for awhile in the playroom with Jessica, Mari, and Micah. (Our fantastic neighbours!) Bella was definetly the morning Drama Queen but she was distracted enough not to go into a full screen saga. And Caleb did well to almost not beat up his little friends. Again I state : Almost.

When I was preparing lunch I let the kids have play dough at the table. Some time between the hour, Caleb managed to dump a whole bag of fishes on the floor, I managed to make a huge mess in the kitchen, and Caleb decided he wanted to attach himself to my leg. Again Crying. Again I yelled. Again not my proudest mommy moment of the day. ( I vaugely remember a time when I vowed I would never yell at my kids...humph!) Oh yeah, somehow the green playdough dissapeared! What is with my kids and green playdough?

At lunch it was my turn to cry. I burned my fingers on a hot cookie sheet and cried in my love's arms. He has so much patience for me! Afterwards when the kids were down for their naps, I was wise enough to go to bed too.

It took a few hours to clean the messes my little hurricanes created. But now our home is peaceful, and quiet. And I am about to eat dinner alone with Michael. Some how the stress of the day has evaporated, and I am left wondering just why I was so crazed in the first place?

Perhaps tomorro I won't yell at my kids.... or Michael.

Oh Brazil...

2008-02-07T11:28:00.000-08:00

I am dying to give you a Brazil update, but am waiting till next week to see where we are at with things. Dreams, Visions, and Plans are circling our hearts and minds. Please be patient with us while we await to unfold the next step!

Health

2008-02-06T17:45:00.000-08:00

Today I made spegghetti with whole wheat pasta. It tasted different, and it may take awhile to get used to, but I am happy knowing that this tiny change in my family's diet will make a difference in the long run.

For the past month I have been attempting to find small changes to make for my family. I don't want to get on this diet kick that I eventually quit because it is too hard. But I do want to live a healthy lifestyle, and I do want to pass good eating, and excerise habits on to my kids.

I am finding this new endeavor both easy and hard. It is difficult to pass up on french fries, coke, chips, and anything greasy and buttery. On the other hand it is easy to say no to chocolate and sweets. It is easy to eat lots of fruits and vegetables. It is easy to take vitamins, and drink lots of water. And it is easy to eat smaller portions.

It is HARD to excercise daily. It's not that I don't like the idea of excercise. I do like the thought. In fact I think about it ALL the time... when I am watching tv, when I am on the computer, when I am laying on the floor playing with the kids! I just don't have the stamina to work out. You probrobly would die from laughing if you ever got the chance to see me try to do a sit up! I long for spring so I can walk more outside, and run around with the kids at the park. That sounds more like fun and less like hard work!

Michael had the idea this week to go to our gym on campus a few times a week to play with the kids. I like that idea, and it is a small change that I think our family can handle. Maybe we will begin that next week...?

Things Daddy's Teach their boys...

2008-02-05T17:17:00.000-08:00

Jumping off furniture is cool

Eating ice cream for breakfast is much better than yogurt

Shouting is a great form of communication

The way to relax is to snuggle with Mommy

Going down steep stairs in a laundry basket is cool

Baths are the best

Mmm... Food...Mmm...Food

Daddy's are cool

Picking on girls is fun

Potty Progress

2008-02-04T11:30:00.000-08:00

I am happy to say that Caleb's booty and the potty chair have been introduced to each other! Chocolate is helping the friendship along! ( please ignore my very obnoxious Mama voice!- really do I always sound like that with my kids? oh no!)

Family

2008-02-03T18:01:00.000-08:00

Bella: Mommy you are my best friend

Mommy: Aww.. you are sweet, you are my best friend too

Bella: And I love you SO much

Mommy: I love you SO SO much too

Bella: I love you because you are my family, and I am your family

Good- byes

2008-02-01T16:56:00.000-08:00

This morning we dropped our friend Rafa off at the airport. Rafa is a good friend of Michael's from Brazil. He was here for a month doing an internship at BPI.

We LOVED having him around. He is a great guy, who is funny, and caring. Caleb and Rafa became good buddies. Caleb is usually wary around new people, especially men, but with his new Tio, he wasn't shy at all. They had alot of fun together.

Bella took a different interest in Rafa. We discovered that she had somewhat of a crush on him. She was either very shy when he was around , or a big goofball trying to win his heart. It was cute - but man! What are we in for in the future?

Poor Girl was a little confused at the airport. She assumed that we all were going to Brazil too, since we have been talking about it for months now. It broke my heart when she realized the truth. She was so sad and quiet on the way home. I tried to explain that when the snow is all gone and then after my birthday we will go. I hope she understands now. It is so hard to explain time to a hopeful and excited child.

It was nice for a change to say good bye to someone that we know we will see again soon. We have alot of goodbye's ahead of us, at least this one wasn't heartbreaking. But Rafa, you will be missed by all of us!

Who was watching these kids?

2008-01-31T18:14:00.000-08:00

A Dr.'s Note

2008-01-28T14:51:00.000-08:00

It is official. I am sick. And I have a Dr.'s note to prove it!

I have an ugly ear infection, with a side of strep throat and a touch of the fever. I got my report at Target's Minute Clinic. I went Sunday morning because the pain in my ear was unbearable, and I was desperate for some kind of relief. Michael was needed at church so just Caleb and me went. When the doc finished with her evaluation, she looked at me and asked, "Are you really here by yourself?" Yes, I am Super Woman and actually managed to survive the past few days with my ailments! She prescribed antibiotics and lots of rest! Right, with two kids? But it felt good to be validated, and to know that I was really sick, and not just being a baby.

But despite my negativism, Michael is the true hero of this saga. He offered to use some of his sick time so he could take care of the kids for me. The last 12 hours have been wonderful . He took the kids out this morning, so I had a quiet house. I slept, laid on the couch, and read a little. Michael and the kids brought home lunch, along with two of my favorite people. After lunch, Michael bundled me up on the couch, brought me ice cream for my sore throat , and cuddled with me all afternoon. I don't feel much better but I feel so loved.

My family once again left the house, so they can be wild and crazy, and let me rest some more. I have also been promised a frappichino upon their return!

Chocolate and Pee

2008-01-26T18:17:00.000-08:00

Our son's willpower is STRONG! Strong enough to even stand up to m&m bribes! What kid says No to chocolate?

Caleb will, if it means he actually has to sit on the potty chair for it! Poor little guy. He loves his big boy underwear. The problem is that he goes through 5 pairs in an hour. That is a lot of laundry, and a lot of underwear! He is absolutely terrified of the potty. I have no idea why. It is just a little seat. Nothing scary about it. But there is no convincing him other wise.

At one point we told him that if he would just sit on the chair with the lid down he could have one m&m. He eventually sat down on it. And was pleased with his prize. But he was adamant that the lid stay shut. A little while later we found a little yellow puddle belonging to underwear boy on top of the lid! We were proud that he actually knew that the potty was where he did his business, so he got another m&m. We are probably setting him up to permanently pee on the toilet lid! The best part of the episode was when he got a rag and cleaned up his own mess! Hopefully this week he will figure out that the pee goes in the toilet!

For Rafa

2008-01-25T20:05:00.000-08:00

I didn't drink coke today. But I did drink 2 sips of orange soda! Rafa ( our friend from Brazil visiting us) wanted me to admit to the world that I faltered from my fast. But I want to say that even though orange soda is pop, it is not COKE! So here is to day 5 of NO COKE! Thanks Rafa for keeping me accountable!

Whole Foods-Oh How I love thee...

2008-01-24T16:09:00.000-08:00

This afternoon we went to the most amazing place. Whole Foods.

Just stepping into the world of health made me somehow feel, healthier! Ahh... I should have a Whole Foods fix more often! I don't know what it is about that store. Almost everything is organic and oh so pure. It feels clean in there.

We went to buy a new lotion for the boy's eczema. ( Thanks for the advice Tia ) He had eczema last winter, but we were able to keep it under control. These past few weeks though it has been getting worse. This is our third ointment in two weeks! We are hoping that this time around it goes away completely. The poor little guy is bleeding from scratching so much!

I also bought a daily multi- vitamin for myself. I like this new healthy me... I feel strong and confident. It is nice that I am finally taking control of my body. One step at a time... ( by the way we are on Day 4 of NO COKE!) On top of the no coke deal, I have been eating smaller portions, and lots of fruits and veggies! I even exercised yesterday.... okay maybe dancing around the living room and one sit up doesn't count... but it is a start!

I browsed the aisles a little and was taken a back by some of the prices. Truth is we could never afford to eat THAT healthy. I wonder why healthy food is so expensive? I would love to be a true green lady but it ain't never gonna happen! I'll stick with Cub for now!

On the way out Michael treated us with a Jamba Juice. It was delicious, and much better than Starbucks. Which I have been doing a pretty good job of avoiding lately! We all left the store happy!

Play Dates

2008-01-23T17:15:00.001-08:00

( Blog Reader. I am about to rant. And it is going to be long! Just so you know. You have been warned)

February's Parents magazine had an article on Play dates. It suggests that the recommended time period for a playdate is 60 to 90 minutes. I wholeheartedly agree since I have been the mom of not just one but two cranky, tired, and irritated toddlers at a play date. More than once I have had to tear my children from a play date in fear that they will rip their little friend to pieces over that certain favored toy. Or play Mama Bear and shield them from an equally sized, and angry playmate who is clearly done in.

The article has great suggestions, however some of them just aren't practical. The first suggestion mentioned above implies that I should just leave after an hour of play. This may work for a date at a mall or the zoo but if you are visiting someones home it could be seen as rude. And would be rude if you were the one hosting the event. I couldn't imagine telling my guest, "Um excuse me, times up. Bella is getting her claws out. Time for you to skedaddle." I mean seriously what mom really does that?

Which brings me to the next suggestion, "make the location a neutral territory." Such as where? The mall? Tried that once. It was terrible. I spent most of the time chasing two kids and scaring the mom of one from EVER having another baby. How about the Library? Have you seen Caleb read ie:"tear apart, destroy and eat" a book? I would end up leaving from a migraine and a rather large library fine. How about the playground? I actually like this idea. But we live in Mn what would you suggest in the dead of winter?

I also loved the idea of putting away that favored toy in order to minimize battles. I wish that were an option. I shudder just thinking about the scene I would create if I even suggested putting Bella's precious baby on a shelf. Besides if it wasn't baby it would be the pink stroller, if not that it would be the keyboard, if not that it would be the pen cap. My experience with these things has been it doesn't matter how cool or even pitiful the object, if the other kid has it, it becomes Gold. And it starts wars. Loud Wars. With lots of tears, and screams. I have been all over the map with this sharing thing, and still feel helpless in it. I want my kids to share, to favor their friends. But it doesn't happen overnight. * To the mom who is offended that my child refused to give up the blue ball. We ARE working on it. Believe me, we are TRYING, please pray for us!*

After pondering this article for days. Yes I am serious. No I don't have anything better to do.
It dawned on me just why Caleb and Bella are always at each other's throats. They exist in ONE BIG LONG NEVER ENDING PLAY DATE! All day long they have to share, co operate, and interact with each other. I am lucky if I get even 30 minutes of playtime bliss. They don't get to go home, they are home! What would the author suggest for the mother of two, or three, or four, or five kids?

If you are wondering if play dates stress me out, they don't. I love watching my children's friendships grow. I love seeing them be silly and imaginative. I love observing their cute antics. And I love seeing them trying to share and work out problems. I especially love the moms who come with the play date package. It is fun to drink coffee- even if it is cold- and try to have a conversation. If I only had a dollar for each one interrupted or unfinished...

I would like to suggest perhaps maybe possibly that we take these play dates too seriously... that maybe we should just let kids be kids, just intervene and teach when needed, be close to wipe away tears, and enjoy the company around us? Perhaps?

Bella's New Sleeping Routine

2008-01-22T17:38:00.000-08:00

This is Bella. At 7:30pm. We have been letting her read in bed, hoping she will fall asleep easier. Looks like it is working!

Coke Challenge Day 2

2008-01-22T12:01:00.000-08:00

Don't worry I am not going to give you an update everyday! But this is Day 2 and I am STILL coke free! (Despite my husband's supporting efforts and THREE packages of coke cans in my fridge!) I am strong and hanging in!

Winter Wonderland?

2008-01-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

Uggh Uggh Uggh! I can't stand winter. What am I going to do? It is only January, and I am already fed up with the stinky season! Seriously this cold is downright maddening!

This morning I took the kids out to go grocery shopping. Why? I really don't know... I was asking myself that same question when I finally sat in the icy drivers seat, my fingers nearly falling off they were so cold! It didn't help that both Caleb and Bella were crying pitifully in the back seat. They were miserable. I considered just going back inside, but our need for fruits and vegetables won out, so off we went.

Thankfully Cub is close, so the car was still nightmarish cold when we pulled into the parking lot. (Sense my sarcasm? This is what winter does to me!) After lecturing Bella about not whining, and muttering a few complaints of my own under my breath, I stepped out of the car to find a kind old gentleman waiting to greet us. At first I looked around worried that in my cold stupor I hit something of his, or parked in a no parking zone. I didn't and to my surprise he offered to help me bring the kids in the store. Wow- he just blew me away. Really who does that anymore? Offer kindness so unselfishly?

I thanked him, and of course I let him help. He seemed harmless enough. He carried Bella into the store and helped us get settled with a cart. It was nice. Very nice. I am still shaking my head about the whole encounter.

Shopping was fun. I do love the grocery store. Caleb and Bella like helping me shop too. But it ended too quickly and we found ourselves outside again. The way home was worse than the trek there. Bella was crying of cold hands ( I didn't realize she took her mitts off) And Caleb was crying because Bella was. And I found myself apologizing for not checking her hands, for the cold weather, because we needed healthy food... for living in miserable Mn! By the time we arrived home, I felt terrible.

At lunch Michael noticed that I went out to the store. "Wow Cari, thanks, I am proud of you." he sincerely stated with a huge smile. At least he was pleased that we went out! Maybe tomorrow will be warmer? I hope so...

Coke Challenge

2008-01-21T11:52:00.000-08:00

This New Year's I resolved to stop drinking so much coke. Today I am Coke Free! Wohoo!

Ok this is my first day without it, and yes it is only a little after lunch time.... BUT I feel strong and excited to face this challenge head on!

I LOVE coke, but I don't like what it is doing to my body. And I am ready to return back to my pre-pregnancy- coke and grease addiction body. ( Is that even possible?) I loved that old body.

I also LOVE challenges! Perhaps more so than coke? I guess we will see!

Mini Dates In LaLaDeDa world

2008-01-21T11:33:00.000-08:00

Mine and Michael's first date was at the Olive Garden. I remember being SO excited getting ready that night. I took my time doing my hair, and make up, I painted my nails, and put on my favorite outfit. I was giddy, and happy, and in LaLaDeDa world. I was in LOVE! And I was so excited to spend time with him.

And I am still six years later, LaLaDeDa in LOVE! Except it has persevered and transformed into something more special and solid. Even on the worst of days Michael is the one I want to be with.

Our babysitter moved to another city so we have had to be a bit more creative with the way we spend our time. Last night we picked up a pizza from Papa Murphy's and watched a few of our favorite shows, downloaded from I-Tunes, in bed! It was so much fun! Our little mini dates make me smile all week long!

Moose... The Lion?

2008-01-20T06:09:00.000-08:00

Some of you may be acquainted with Caleb's first love Mr. Moosey Moose. We picked him up during our second trip to Canada this summer, and Caleb instantly fell in love with the little guy. He loves to sleep with him cuddled to his face. Mr. Moosey Moose is currently staying at the Grand Rios Water Park- Lost and Found. We have yet to check him out of his luxurious accommodations.

In the meantime Caleb has turned to Mr. Lion for comfort. Mr. Lion is the animal we bought for him before he was born, but Caleb was never too fond of him until now. Random times during the day we will find them together. Caleb has dubbed Mr. Lion- Moose!

I am not sure what is going to happen when Mr. Moosey Moose finally arrives home...

"Mr. Moosey Moose meet Moose!"

...

2008-01-17T17:48:00.000-08:00

The growth of dugansincahoots.com has revealed a part of myself that I don't really like.
I am terribly impatient! So far I have spent about 6-8 hours trying to work with our new site, and NOTHING has been accomplished. I want to tear out my hair! And scream, and throw our laptop out the window! Going to bed last night I actually cried over the silly thing!

Well, it wasn't only the site that brought me to tears. If only it was just that...

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has had surgery and prayerfully the surgeon removed all if it. But she has to under go radiation just to make sure. I feel terrible for her, I just can't imagine the pain, stress, and fear she is experiencing right now. It is sad.

I want to help her. And I want to take this monster and completely control it. I don't want her to have cancer. So Bam- she doesn't. And there would be no need for surgery, or radiation, or doctors. But I can't. So I have been finding myself angry that she is facing this. And angry that I can't take it away. Or make it better for her. Or even just be with her. When I talk to her on the phone she sounds brave and strong and that is because she is. And I am proud of her because she is leaning on God and trusting Him. I am imagining Him circling His arms around her and holding her close. His daughter. Please pray for comfort and healing for her.

Bella's Play

2008-01-16T10:48:00.000-08:00

The other night Bella invited me into her "home" ( a.k.a. her room) for tea. She ushered me in and quickly locked the door. I am assuming she didn't want Caleb to join us, or maybe she just wanted to keep me in! The smile on her face was precious. She was so delighted to have me in her "home"!

She directed me to the little table, and the seat I was to sit in. My bottom is about twice the size of this little chair, but i awkwardly took my place, hoping the legs didn't buckle underneath me.

The table was set with her china and she even placed a pretty red and white checkered cloth under the teapot! Such detail! And planning. I wonder how long she was preparing for our little visit?

She served me my first cup of tea with sugar and cream, and asked me. "So Mama, How was your day?" Hmm.. such sweetness. We had a great conversation. She told me how her baby is doing these days. ( Apparently still not potty trained or sleeping at night) She shared with me how she was just shy last week at Sunday school, not sick like we thought. She asked me why Grandma and Grandpa were in Brazil. She asked me how my kids were doing, and why Nana was sick. And she told me all about her new favorite book. There is so much going on in that little girls mind!

The best part about our tea visit was watching her get up and down from the table, rocking her baby, getting more tea ( from her play kitchen), putting her baby to bed, refilling my tea cup, sipping hers, getting her baby to comfort her, and even cleaning up "spills!" All the while she was still talking to me! That girl barely sat down!

At the end of the visit , when we were washing the cups, she looked at me and said, "Thanks for having tea!" Man! She just melts my heart over and over and over again! My little girl is growing up... I am glad that I get to watch it happen! She is beautiful.

. Com

2008-01-15T11:11:00.000-08:00

We are about to become a .com ! Well that is the plan anyways! We have bought our domain name and are busy trying/attempting/failing/crying over/screaming at/ building our website. We will still be dugansincahoots, and the blog will be on the website! We are very excited about the new upcoming birth in our family. Now if we can just figure out how to work it! Stay posted, we will announce it's official arrival- hopefully soon!